Any of us who have parented a child will know that one of the early challenges we all face is toileting. Helping our child to be able to move from nappies to pants and be able to use a potty and then the toilet. First during the day, then at night. Those of us with children with disabilities or additional needs may still be supporting our child on that journey, it can take much, much longer to get there. There are some great products that can help with this, including the Firefly GottaGo portable toilet seat.

For some of us, the journey may never end; our child, for all sorts of reasons, may never be able to independently use the toilet, may remain incontinent, may always need support in this area. If this is something that you might be at the beginning of experiencing, then this article is for you.

Those of us with teenage children (or older) who remain incontinent, maybe all the time, maybe ‘just’ at night, will need no reminding of the challenges that this can bring both for our children and ourselves. Same problems as with a smaller child, just…. more! There is help available though, although as with most things in the disability world, you have to know about it to be able to access it!

Here’s a couple of places that we’ve found help, and that might help you and your family too:

NHS continence services

There will be an NHS continence service near you. Search online for ‘NHS continence services’ and you will be able to see where your nearest one is to contact them. You may need to get a referral, but this can be done via your GP or sometimes by your school (the school nurse at our sons’ school did this for us).

They can provide advice, information, access to products like bed wetting alarms etc. and may also be able to register you for continence products such as larger sized pads etc. We get a big shipment arrive every few months! If you are still buying continence products for your older child, getting them provided through the continence service can make a big, big difference!

CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)

I know not everyone has positive stories to tell about CAMHS. We’re one of the fortunate families that have had really great experiences in our interactions with them and they have been a source of great advice. There can be all kinds of reasons why your older child is incontinent, some physical, some mental or psychological, but getting help from CAMHS to assess your child and offer their thoughts and input can either help pinpoint something to work on together, or rule things out. A range of mental health conditions, including anxiety, can contribute towards incontinence and the last 18-months hasn’t helped any of us in this area so don’t rule it out as part of your child’s struggle too.

Helping your teen know they aren’t alone

There are plenty of young people out there who have continence difficulties, and as we’ve explored this can be for many different reasons, but helping our teens know that they are not alone, that it’s not just them, can be important. If they are able to navigate websites and use them to get help and support, you could try ‘The Mix’ https://www.themix.org.uk/your-body/body-problems/im-a-teenager-and-i-still-wet-the-bed-24101.html 

Whatever you do though, do something. Don’t let your older child struggle but start the journey to find support and maybe even solutions. It could be that your child will remain incontinent, but at least they can be more comfortable. It could be that something in this article gives you a pointer towards helping your older child to become continent. Either way, you don’t journey alone, there are many of us on the journey with you, and we’re cheering you all on!

Mark

Text and images © 2021, Mark Arnold

A few months ago, as schools were fully opening after lockdown, I pulled together a list of resource websites that provided support and information for families of children with disabilities and additional needs whose children were returning to the classroom. As we start thinking about the next ‘back to school’ moment, later in August in some parts of the UK, early September in others, I’ve refreshed and updated the list to give you tools to help your child survive and thrive as they once again return to school.

I hope that this resource list will continue to grow as further resources are discovered, so do keep coming back to see what else might be helpful for you and your child. And if you have any helpful additions, do let me know and I’ll add them in for others to see.

So, here’s where I’ve got to so far:

Twinkl

There’s a free download on the Twinkl website that helps explain returning to school:
https://www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/returning-to-school-social-situation-t-s-2548814

You will also be able to link to other helpful resources from here.

Widgit

There are also free resources about returning to school on the Widgit website:
https://www.widgit.com/resources/popular-topics/back-to-school-june/index.htm

Makaton
There’s a free downloadable pack about going back to school on the Makaton website too:
https://makaton.org/TMC/Free_resources_.aspx

ReachoutASC
Lynn McCann at ReachoutASC has provided a wealth of free downloadable resources here:
https://reachoutasc.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Transition-to-new-class-2021.pdf

Action for Children
Knowing how to talk things through with children can be hard, here’s some easy steps to follow from Action for Children:
https://www.parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/returning-to-school

ParentKind
There’s lots of useful information on the ParentKind website that can help you navigate a path through these difficult times too:
https://www.parentkind.org.uk/News–Blog

Do-IT>

A wide range of useful free downloadable resources can be found on the Do-IT> website, under their rather appropriate heading of ‘Survive, Revive and Thrive’ (scroll to the bottom for a link to resources for parents):
https://www.doitprofiler.com/survive-revive-thrive/

Manchester University Foundation Trust

Here’s a great resource written in collaboration between Manchester University Foundation Trust, Manchester Local Care Foundation and One Education, providing a really helpful guide for parents about many aspects of the return to school, along with some positive and useful resources: https://mft.nhs.uk/app/uploads/2020/06/back-to-school-parent-pack-final-version.pdf

Autism little Learners
Just love this site, so full of useful stuff and there are some great Social Stories on this link:
https://autismlittlelearners.com/category/social-stories/

As with all Social Stories, these should be adapted or used as a starting point to create a specific version for each child. More information about how to create Social Stories can be found on Lynn McCann’s site here: https://www.reachoutasc.com/resources

I hope these resources help you to stay informed and able to inform and support your children as they return to school.

Peace,

Mark

Text and image rights © 2021 Mark Arnold

In the TV advert for car company ‘Cinch’, Rylan Clark-Neal advises ‘Mandy’ to make sure she’s made the right choice, before adding, knowingly, “Because sometimes we don’t, do we.” We can all make wrong choices in all sorts of ways. I have and I’m sure you can think of occasions when you have too.

What about wrong choices in the words that we use, especially words that might relate to additional needs or disability?

It’s about the lexicon of words and phrases that we can commonly use but which can be so toxic for people with additional needs or disabilities, and their families. My thanks to Canadian film maker, actor, and TV host @nicolestamp for recently getting me thinking more about this.

Here are a few examples of things we can commonly say but shouldn’t; along with some more appropriate alternatives to use instead:

Don’t say                                                                                  Examples to say instead

“I turned a blind eye to that.” (also “deaf ear”)                        “I chose to ignore that.”

“They are crippled by debt.”                                                             “They are struggling with debt.”

“That’s lame.” (not a common UK phrase, but increasing)     “That’s awkward/not cool.”

“That is insane/crazy.”                                                                        “That is wild/chaotic.”

“That is dumb.”                                                                                     “That is foolish.”

“A little bit OCD.”                                                                                 “Very organised/hygienic.”

“A little bit Autistic.” (used in many different contexts)           No alternative, just don’t say it!

I’m sure you can think of many that I’ve missed. Let’s treat negative disability metaphors in the same way that we would treat negative gender, racial, or cultural metaphors. For example, these phrases should disappear from our language, they have no place there. However, this will only happen if we make a conscious effort to do so. Let’s make our language inclusive and remove the toxic phrases that can reinforce negative stereotypes and cause so much hurt.

If you want to explore this topic in more depth, here is a link to a helpful article by Sara Nović on the BBC website: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210330-the-harmful-ableist-language-you-unknowingly-use

So, let’s cut out the negative disability metaphors and change our language for the better. As Rylan knowingly puts it, let’s “make sure we make the right choice, because sometimes we don’t, do we?”

Mark

Our Autistic son, James, had a meltdown yesterday, an experience that will be familiar to many families of Autistic children. Like any Autistic child or young person, when James has a meltdown, there can be a wide range of triggers that could be causing it. He may be being overwhelmed by sensory input. It could start from frustration that he can’t communicate something to us (he is mostly non-verbal). It could also be due to change of routine or he could be in pain or feeling unwell, or it could just be that his iPad battery has gone flat!

A meltdown isn’t James being ‘badly behaved’.

It isn’t him ‘pushing boundaries’ or ‘being difficult’. It is a brain overload. This is like a storm engulfing his brain, and it is not something that James can do much about in that moment, but there is plenty that we can do to help and support him.

Each child is different and will have their own sensory profile. For example, things that they are over or ‘hyper’ sensitive to including all of the better-known senses (sight, sound, smell, taste and things that they touch). Furthermore, senses like balance and movement (vestibular), positioning and pressure (proprioception) as well as the sensory receptors that we all have in our internal organs (interoception). Understanding these sensory sensitivities helps us to then help our child avoid sensory triggers, or if this isn’t possible then to provide ways to reduce their impact e.g. ear defenders for loud noise, or sunglasses for bright or flickering light, and to identify a peaceful nearby rest area for if we see them starting to become overwhelmed.

The first thing we do for James is to let him know that we are there with him, to keep him safe, and to reassure him that whatever it is that is causing him to be upset he will be OK and that we love him very much. Sometimes this can be as simple as gently holding him and speaking reassuring words to him; even if the words themselves find it hard to make their way through the meltdown, the sound of our voice speaking gently to James does help him. Other times, we need to give him a little space.

ith. A sound that might seem innocuous to a non-Autistic child might be terribly loud and painful to an Autistic child.

Next, we work with James to identify the cause of the meltdown, for example a flat iPad battery, or something that is causing him sensory overload, then we can help and the meltdown will slowly lessen. Yesterday, it was the sound of a lawnmower in our neighbour’s garden; we can’t stop our neighbour from cutting their grass, but we could shut the windows and significantly reduce the noise that James was struggling with. A sound that might seem innocuous to a non-Autistic child might be terribly loud and painful to an Autistic child; I recall hearing about a boy who would be completely overwhelmed if the fridge motor switched on while he was in the kitchen, for example.

If the cause of the meltdown isn’t obvious…

And James isn’t able to help us to understand it, we’ll look for other calming techniques such as pressure therapy, gently squeezing James’ thighs or arms, rubbing his back, or maybe using a weighted blanket. A sensory chew might help too. Distraction can sometimes work, depending on what is causing the meltdown, offering James a favourite snack or putting on a much-loved film or TV programme can sometimes help James to regulate himself and slowly recover.

Just being there with him, reassuring him and offering unconditional love, helps him to know that he is safe and cared for and that there is nothing to fear.

What is important to understand, however, is that it might take James a while to fully come down from the meltdown, even once the cause has been identified and fixed. Yesterday, the more visible aspects of the meltdown were over after about 30 minutes, but it affected James for the rest of the day. Just being there with him, reassuring him and offering unconditional love, helps him to know that he is safe and cared for and that there is nothing to fear. Letting him rest and not expecting him to do much, gives him the time and space he needs to recover fully. We can then look to learn from the experience, understanding and seeking ways to minimise the trigger that caused the meltdown from affecting James again.

A great way to understand meltdowns better is to talk with Autistic adults about their experiences of meltdowns. Frthermore, what strategies they have put in place to reduce the risk of them, and any advice that they can offer us as families of Autistic children. No two people are the same. However, there will be some really helpful things that we can learn from people that have been in similar situations to where our children are now. Let’s learn more together.

Peace,

Mark

We’ve been warned about it, we’ve seen it coming, maybe we’ve experienced it in our own family situation. The evidence is all too clear and stark. We might be coming towards the end of lockdown restrictions, ‘Freedom Day’ as some like to call it. However, we are only just fully understanding the toll that the last 16 months has had on the mental health and wellbeing of our children. ‘Freedom’ seems a long way off for many.

Surveys, studies and research results are flooding in…

They share very challenging results. These include studies by The Disabled Children’s Partnership (DCP) of which I’m a member; as well as Sibs, which is the support organisation for brothers and sisters of children with additional needs. We need to be aware of this data as it helps us to understand and help our children better. To journey with them as we help them back from the mental health challenges that many of them are experiencing. Here are some of the ‘highlights’ from the studies:

The same report highlighted that due to delays to appointments and meetings; over half of children had experienced their condition worsening and their development stopping. It continued by showing that over half of children had lost the confidence to go outside of their homes. 40% had lost confidence in interacting socially with even familiar people like friends and family. All of this has resulted in 33% of parents saying that their disabled child now has depression.

As recently as April this year; 75% of disabled children were socially isolated. A further two thirds of them were not getting the support they were legally entitled to (DCP #LeftInLockdown report).

And this hasn’t been restricted to disabled children themselves. Sibs report that 81% of siblings’ mental health has become worse during lockdown, with 40% feeling isolated. This loneliness can often be because of having to shield to protect their brother or sister. Parents are affected in a similar way, with the Disabled Children’s Partnership reporting 60% of parents experiencing social isolation. It’s stark reading; I realise that, and we can’t just leave it there without some thoughts about what we can do to make a difference to these figures.

So, here’s my seven ‘top tips’ to help us help our family to improve our overall mental health:

1. Exercise! Try to get your bodies moving. That might be anything from a walk around the block to a full blown Joe Wicks style workout (they’re still out there on the Internet!). The more we move the better our mood, so get moving!

2. Exercise your minds too! Keep your brains active. That could be by doing puzzles, playing games, reading or telling stories. It could be anything that makes you all work those little grey cells a bit.

3. Eat well! For many, It’s been easy to fall into bad eating habits during lockdown. Comfort food can often seem to be a remedy for low mood. To resolve this, eating a balanced, healthy diet can make a real difference both to our bodies and minds. Drink plenty of water too.

“Seeing their face if only on a screen, will help us feel less isolated and alone.”

4. Go outside or let the outside in! The first lockdown was accompanied by some fantastic weather! Most of us were able to get outside and get our children outside and we benefitted from it. Since then, the weather has been less helpful, but some fresh air and a glimpse of sunshine can still lift our mental health. Even opening a window and letting the fresh air in can make a difference.

5. Talk with people! OK, we may still not all be able to see people like we would like to, but we might be able to phone, Zoom, FaceTime or whatever works for you. Hearing a loved one’s voice, seeing their face if only on a screen, will help us feel less isolated and alone. If we can visit friends and family safely then make the most of those opportunities. Days without social contact can affect most of us, but if we keep in touch we can keep on top.

6. Have fun! Make sure there is time each day for the things you and your children enjoy doing. If that’s watching TV or having time on the Xbox then don’t beat yourself up about it. Your mental health will thank you for it. Go easy on yourselves, some days just getting through without anyone being lost or killed is a win!

7. Look for the positives and celebrate them. Did something go well today, if so what was it? What made you or your child smile? Were there any wins? Focus on them, celebrate them, and repeat them!

Let’s be active, in every way, and look after ours and our children’s well-being!

By keeping an eye on our own mental health and that of our children’s, we can help to limit the impact that the last 16 months will otherwise have had. Let’s be active, in every way, and look after ours and our children’s well-being! And remember, you’re not facing this alone, there are lots of us out there trying to get through this too. Why not check in on some additional needs support groups, online groups, and even other families that you know. In fact, you can work through this together with other people that ‘get it’ too.

Cheering you on!

Mark

We are surrounded by noise, whether it is the noise of people around us, the constant noise of technology, the noise of kitchen appliances, the noise of cars and trucks, emergency vehicles, planes and trains.

There is noise everywhere and perhaps that is why we become less good at listening… listening to each other, listening to our children, listening to ourselves. 

Just like it’s harder to hear the sounds of nature around us, the song of a bird or the cry of a fox, it’s harder for us to tune in to other people or our own ‘voice’.

On top of everything else, over the last 15 months, as we’ve lived through lockdown after lockdown, we may have been so unsettled, anxious and worried about everything that perhaps we’ve been less inclined to just listen.

Less able to mute the concerns that have dominated our thinking and to just listen…

Listening to each other
The world, and indeed our own country, is filled with conflict.

People taking ‘sides’ and being unwilling or unable to listen to different views, different perspectives.

If you believe what I believe you are ‘right’, if you believe something else you are ‘wrong’ and in many cases the vitriolic real life ‘slanging match’ or online ‘pile on’ that follows is horrible to witness.

Whether it’s politics, equality, the response to COVID-19, or a hundred other fault lines that have divided us, those divisions run deep.

We seem to have lost the ability to listen to someone who thinks differently to us, who is in a different ‘tribe’.

To respectfully discuss alternative points of view, to be willing to learn and maybe even to change our minds.

In many cases our identity becomes enmeshed with our strongest held views. Is this healthy? What does this do to our mental health? What does it do to our relationships with other people? What does it do to our society? What example does it set for our children?

Listening to our children
Our children’s voices seem to have been lost more than most over the last 15 months or so, especially children with additional needs.

They struggle to understand the rage that people show when someone disagrees with them; they can’t easily comprehend that the pressures of the last 15 months have been hard for many people to keep in.

But they have experienced great pressures too, a loss of school time, separation from family and friends, being shut indoors for months on end, their screens becoming their closest companions.

The mental health toll on our children has, and continues to be, massive.

Are we listening to them, really listening?

Reading the signs in their body language and facial expressions, their reluctance to do things, their withdrawal?

Although bit by bit we are returning to the ‘new normal’, for our children this is still a huge change.

Are we listening to their worries, treating their concerns seriously, supporting them and being there for them even though we are struggling ourselves?

Listening to ourselves
With all that is going on, that little ‘inner voice’ inside of us can be drowned out.

The plaintive cry of “I’m exhausted!” goes unheard, or worse, ignored.

We keep on keeping on until we collapse, having long since gone past ‘empty’ on our physical and mental health fuel gauge.

We think that we ‘can’t’ slow down, we ‘can’t’ think about ourselves, we ‘can’t’ do some self-care… we’re just ‘too busy’, and ‘too many’ people depend on us.

But what good are we to anyone when we’ve finally hit that brick wall that is the inevitable destination if we don’t listen to ourselves.

What will happen if we wake up one morning and just can’t get out of bed, no matter how hard we try?

What will the people who depend on us do when we’ve experienced a physical or mental breakdown? When we’re the ones who become dependent on others?

Friends, let’s listen better; let’s listen to each other, let’s listen to our children, let’s also listen to ourselves.

We might be easing slowly out of lockdown, but if we don’t listen what kind of a world are we emerging back into?

Let’s learn to listen well, and learn to respond well to what we hear.

Peace,

Mark

As the COVID-19 lockdown restrictions eased further from Monday 17^th May (in England), one of the most looked for announcements has finally been made – hugging will be allowed!

The Government has said that “People in England will be allowed to hug loved ones and enjoy indoor hospitality from next Monday”, whilst urging people to “exercise caution and common sense”.

For many, this is great news, the therapeutic and mental health benefits of hugging loved ones has been badly missed, but as the nation rushes to get hugging again, it is worth a reminder that for some people hugging and close physical contact is not always welcome.

There will be many sectors of our community that might find hugs difficult, including children and young people who have experienced physical or sexual abuse for example, but here we will focus our thoughts particularly on children and young people with additional needs.

Within this group, which represents one in five children and young people across the country, there are many who for a range of reasons may not join the hug stampede and should be respected and understood for not doing so. Here are a few examples:

Sensory sensitivity
A wide range of additional needs have a sensory aspect to them, with children and young people being either ‘hyposensitive’ (an under-responsive sensitivity to stimulation) or ‘hypersensitive’ (an over-responsive sensitivity to stimulation; it is also possible to be both.

Children and young people who are hypersensitive can be quickly overwhelmed by sensory stimulus such as loud noise, bright lights, strong smells, and this can include physical contact.

For some children and young people with a sensory sensitivity to touch, even the lightest of hugs might be painful and overwhelming, causing them to possibly be highly reactive and very upset.

Social sensitivity

Again, some additional needs, differences or diversities can include a social sensitivity aspect.

This can include how easily a child or young person can identify, perceive and understand social cues and contexts, but can also influence a child or young person’s sensitivity to social situations where they might struggle to understand the feelings and needs of others.

Many children and young people might find a busy, crowded room difficult to cope with, for example, due to a combination of sensory sensitivity and difficulties with social interaction, but also because close proximity to other people can make it harder to manage and regulate their own feelings leading to them feeling overwhelmed.

A child or young person may also be resistant to being hugged by a loved one, especially if they haven’t seen them for a while, which can be upsetting for e.g. a grandparent who has been longing to hug their grandchild for over a year.

Physical disability or chronic illness

A wide range of physical disabilities or chronic health conditions can result in a child or young person being easily hurt by physical contact.

Their bodies may be weakened by their disability, or they might have very sensitive nervous systems or a low pain threshold.

In the case of some conditions, this can vary considerably from day to day. In such situations, even a gentle hug might be not just painful but potentially dangerous as well.

The ABC of hugging!
So how do family members, friends etc. who perhaps haven’t seen their young relative or friend for ages, let alone hugged them, know what to do? Here’s three ABC ‘hugging tips’ to help:

1. Ask

Never just hug someone, ask them if it’s OK and would be welcomed first. If they say they would rather not, don’t be offended, it’s likely to be for a very good reason! Don’t look offended and make them feel guilty, this isn’t about you, it’s about their health and wellbeing.

• Be gentle
  
  If a hug is permitted, don’t go ‘full bear-hug’ straight off. Be gentle, be appropriate, be quick. You are communicating love for someone, not trying to crush them for 60 seconds. A gentle hug for a few seconds should be fine.
  
  
• Check

Make sure they are OK, and if not then stop.

By asking you are helping them to communicate if they are finding it difficult for any reason and to remain in control.

When we hug our bodies release feel good hormones. These hormones include oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin.

Once these hormones are released into our bodies we can experience feelings of happiness, relaxation, improved mood, and lower levels of depression.

But as hugging is permitted again after so long, let’s not lose sight of the difficulties that some people can experience with hugs, or of our responsibility to hug (or not) well.

To hug, or not to hug, that is the question! (with apologies to the bard)

Peace,

Mark

Throughout the childhood and adolescence of any child there are many different kinds of milestones, transitions and rites of passage, many changes that come along, but for families of children with special needs these can provide many opportunities for unhealthy comparison and a realisation of difference, which can sometimes be so difficult and painful.

Milestones might include developmental ones like learning to crawl, stand and walk; developing speech and communication; learning to ride a scooter or a bike.

Transitions include big changes like starting nursery, then school; changing classes, schools, or moving from a mainstream school to a special school; maybe moving into higher education which might mean leaving home; moving into supported living as a young adult.

Rites of passage can be many and various but can include faith based events to welcome a child into the community, or to recognise their faith; school based events such as the school prom, important exams, or graduation; life events such as a first boy/girl friend or going away on holiday without parents for the first time.

Many of these milestones, transitions and rites of passage can be fraught for all families, but for families of children with special needs they can also be a time of significant worry and often sadness, as our child is once again shown to be different to what society understands as ‘normal’.

We can make unhealthy comparisons and get thrown back into that cycle of grief that so many families can experience.

My own son, James, was 18 last summer and because of his various special/additional needs the path of a ‘typical’ 18-year-old was never going to be one that James would take.

I have long since understood this, and love James for who he is, but when in August there was news coverage of 18-year-olds celebrating their A-Level results, jumping excitedly in the air and looking forward to heading to University, I realised that in a different world that might have been James, and it caught me for a moment.

Did James mind that he didn’t have A-Levels? No, he has no concept of them.

It was me that was affected, me that temporarily felt a profound sense of loss, before I realised what unhealthy comparison was once again doing to me and chose to stop.

A few moments later James’ laughter filled the room as something delighted him and the cloud was lifted.

I don’t need to make comparisons, I can celebrate with James for who he is, all that he brings to us, all that we have learned by James being a part of our family, all that is different and better about us because of James.

He doesn’t need a bit of paper to earn our love, he has it unconditionally.

He has his own personal milestones, transitions and rites of passage on his own life journey, and we’re right there alongside him, helping him through them or celebrating them with him whenever and however they come along.

So when that TV advert comes on and the opera singer uses the catchphrase “Go Compare!”, I look at James, smile, and think to myself why would I, he’s just right as he is!

I hope you can do the same for your child too.

We are always stronger, better, more focused and more successful when we’re working together than when we are working apart, and that includes when families, schools, medical and social care professionals, everyone involved in the life of a child or young person, has a shared passion and vision for them.

This is especially true for children and young people with special needs or disabilities, where working together can have significant lasting benefits for everyone.

Here’s just a few examples of why this can be the case…

Working together makes us more successful in supporting our child

We’re all human, and that means all the good, bad and ugly that goes with it.

Whether we admit it or not, we respond better, act better, do more, for people that we get on with and can work with than people that we don’t.

It’s the same for all of us, whether we are family members, professionals, whatever role we have in the life of a child.

As family members, we can be used to fighting for everything, going into meetings with our boxing gloves on, and where we need to, we still must.

But we should also be aware that people, even on a subconscious level, label us by our actions and if we are always the ‘difficult parent’ or ‘confrontational’ then whether we like to admit it or not it can do harm to the chances of our child getting the support they need.

We might feel it’s the only way to get what our child needs, but working together, finding a way to work in harmony, can help create even more successful outcomes.

We need to change ‘them and us’ to ‘us together’.

Better ideas come from collaboration

When we work together, new and better ideas can emerge that can help our child.

Collaboration encourages creativity and in putting new exciting ideas into practice we can see positive ways forward opening up for our child.

Neither families nor professionals have all the answers, even if we think we do, but together we are greater than the sum of our parts.

We bring different skills, knowledge and understanding together that can spark some groundbreaking thinking if we learn to collaborate well. 1 + 1 really can = 3

A unified approach improves focus and means everyone learns together

When we are working in harmony, family and professionals working with common goals, respecting each other and recognising that together we have more to offer than we do individually, we can focus on the main reason we’re working together which is for the benefit of a child or young person.

Keeping our focus there will improve the chances of other frequent causes of disagreement, e.g. finance, being lessened; it changes the narrative.

As we work together in harmony, we learn more about each other and how we can unlock the potential of a child or young person together.

Supporting children together can mean we’re stronger at supporting everyone

The lessons learned from working well together can be used beyond the immediate benefits for the child or young person we’re focused on.

New strategies can be passed on by a family to other families on a similar journey; professionals work with many families and can share the fruits of successful collaboration with others.

The ideas we’ve helped to shape can positively influence the outcomes for many children.

Working together makes sense for everyone, but as we’ve seen it can have really significant benefits for children and young people with special needs and disabilities and their families.

It can be hard, it means that many of us need to put aside negative feelings we may have acquired through bad previous experiences, to try to build relationships again, to reach out in new ways even though we’re exhausted, but if it can improve the outcomes for our child, it kind of asks the question, why wouldn’t we try?

Working together wins!

Peace, Mark