Halloween literally means the evening before All Hallows Day or All Saint’s Day, a day festival celebrated on the 1^st November each year.

The name Halloween is a shortened version of All Hallows’ Evening which is celebrated on 31^st October.

The origin and meaning of the festival of Halloween is derived from ancient Celtic harvest rituals, but today Halloween is a time of the year that many children really look forward to; a time for fantasy and fun, a time for dressing up and scary stories, a time for ‘trick or treat’ adventures and lots of sweets! 

 
The advertising and marketing around Halloween seems to ramp up to greater and greater heights every year, with major supermarkets dedicating whole isles, sometimes several of them, to their Halloween merchandise.

Advertising supports this with lots of TV adverts featuring images of ghosts, ghouls, pumpkins, and spiders’ webs. Then there’s the BBC Strictly Come Dancing ‘Halloween Special’! 

While Halloween can be a fun time of year for many children, it can be a really difficult time for some, including many children with additional needs.

For them it can be a confusing, anxiety inducing, or even utterly terrifying time.

But it doesn’t have to be like that; if we stop for a moment to think about the things they might find hard and how to put alternative things in place to help them, they can safely join in with some fun too but in an alternative way.

So, what are some of the things about Halloween that children with additional needs can find particularly hard, and what can we offer them in our ‘Alternative Halloween’ instead: 

1. Stranger Danger? 

We tell children all year not to talk to strangers, then on one night it’s suddenly fine to go around knocking on strangers’ doors. This can be hugely difficult for some neurodiverse children, for example, who can be very literal in their understanding and so can be very confused by this.

Why is it OK to speak to strangers today but it wasn’t yesterday? What has changed? What will the rules be tomorrow? Why? 

2. Fake or Real? 

The more garish dressing up can be genuinely terrifying for a child that struggles to tell the difference between fake and real. Increasingly, we’re seeing dressing up outfits becoming more realistic with fake gore and movie quality makeup that makes people look truly terrifying.

When that line is crossed for a child that believes that the person really has hideous injuries or has been turned into something truly evil, theirs is the terror that is real. Cue massive meltdowns, sleepless nights, and recurring anxiety. 

3. I’m Scared Enough Already! 

Talking about anxiety, some children with ongoing anxiety issues can find the whole business of going out ‘trick or treating’ very upsetting in itself. Surprises, scares, people jumping out, can all be terrifying.

If it’s hard to deal with the day-to-day anxiety that they face about going out on a regular day, ramp this up multiple times when Halloween is involved! 

4. What About Me? 

Then there are the kids with additional needs or disabilities that don’t get invited to the parties or to go out ‘trick or treating’ because they are viewed as ‘different’ (usually by other parents, rather than the other children). Here’s yet another opportunity for them to feel left out, rejected, and uninvited because they haven’t been included… yet again. 

5. Parent Problems! 

It’s not just the kids. Parents of children with e.g. ADHD may not be grateful for their children being given loads of sugary colourful sweets when they are then up all night with a hyperactive sugar fueled child! 

There are loads of other reasons beside these to avoid Halloween, but there are also many ways to offer an alternative to Halloween for all children, but especially for children with additional needs and their families so that they can join in too; here’s 10 ideas:  

10 Helpful ‘Alternative Halloween’ Ideas 

1. Prepare them in advance, giving them a visual timetable of what is going to happen, how and when. This will help them to be less anxious about what might happen. 

2. ‘Prime’ some friendly neighbours who are known to the children and that you can visit safely knowing that they won’t do anything scary or surprising. They can, for example, have their outdoor lights on and a bucket of packets of sweets or snacks ready for the children to enjoy safely. Maybe the children could sing their favourite song as a ‘thank you’. 

3. If you are near the countryside, or a park, go for an autumn walk (or roll, make sure your route is accessible), collecting conkers and fir cones, picking blackberries, kicking or throwing up the fallen leaves, looking up at the stars. Remind the children to bring torches with them and have some hot chocolate and biscuits ready for when you get back home. 

4. Provide ear defenders for children with sensitivity to loud noise so that any unexpected noises, fireworks etc. are less of a problem. 

5. Choose alternative, ‘bright and light’ outfits. It’s more about the dressing up than who can look the most terrifying and there are plenty of non-scary, positive, options to choose from. 

6. With this in mind, maybe host an alternative ‘light party’, a counter-cultural celebration of things that are bright, light, colourful and good. Loads more variety with the dressing up, just as much fun, and no scares! Who can dress up in the brightest costume?! 

7. Choose sugar free sweets, or better yet try some healthier snacks themed around Halloween (satsumas as ‘mini pumpkins’ with a smiley face for example). 

8. Maybe even have an ‘autumn indoor picnic’ where you spread out some blankets and enjoy a feast together, or if the weather is good an autumn barbeque with lots of lighting to keep it bright. 

9. If you are hosting a light party or autumn picnic/barbeque, think about who might be left out and make sure you remember to invite them. 

10. Have fun but keep checking on how each child is feeling. If they are struggling, have something that they love doing ready so that they can easily try that and have fun in a different way (carving pumpkins – they don’t have to be scary, making pumpkin mini-pies, decorating a jar to put a battery night-light in, a bubble machine, apple bobbing, toasting marshmallows…)And have a ‘safe space’ they can access if they just need a rest from all of the activities, fill it with cozy blankets, cushions, and provide soft lighting. 

I hope that ‘Alternative Halloween’ is a great success for you all this year, especially for those of you looking after children with additional needs! 

This article is written by Mark Arnold’s daughter, Phoebe, who shares her experience of growing up as an additional needs sibling to her brother, James, as well as offering learnings for us all…

Growing up I didn’t often see a family unit similar to my own; from a young age I was a carer for my younger brother, James, who was diagnosed as Autistic and with Learning Difficulties when he was 2 ½ and I was 5.

By the time I was a teenager, James was still non-verbal and needed around-the-clock care.

As a young person this was my ‘normal’, however, it came with its challenges as I navigated my teenage years with a disabled brother.

This article shares five ways in which people who parent, care for, or work with, children and young people can help to support the siblings of children and young people with additional needs.

1. Notice

Growing a good relationship with the young person helps to keep useful communication open.

Encouraging this allows siblings and parents to discuss if anything has happened during the week, or the night before, and parents can be on the lookout for any potential behaviour changes or if the young person is ‘out of sorts’.

Young people that are in a family unit with a sibling with additional needs also have an increased chance of having difficulties with their mental health due to their intense home lives.

Parents and young people can work together in understanding what would work best to support them well (see: 4. ‘Offer Support’ later, for example).

2. Encourage

It is important to encourage siblings of children and young people with additional needs to think about how they respond to situations. For example, acknowledging that they may get frustrated with their sibling, but then encouraging them to exercise patience and kindness.

Sometimes the family unit prioritises their child with additional needs due to their significant needs, which can lead to the siblings lacking attention from parents.

The consequences of this can show up in different ways, like looking for additional and perhaps inappropriate attention elsewhere or having issues with control.

A way to manage this is to provide encouragement and appropriate attention and to understand that if there is a flare-up in behaviour then there is usually a cause such as something going on relating to their sibling, or that they are feeling neglected.

3. Listen

When telling someone their sibling has additional needs, young people can get awkward, and parents and carers might not know how they can help. It is essential to try and learn if the young person is comfortable talking about their sibling with other people or not.

Typically, for a young person with a sibling with additional needs, it can be normal to talk about their brother or sister at home, so helping them to start this conversation both at home and in other settings can be very encouraging to the young person.

This is a valuable conversation to have on a regular basis, as it gives young people an opportunity to safely discuss how they are feeling.

Siblings often feel they cannot talk to their parents about issues in their lives because they do not want to put anything more on their parent’s already overloaded plate.

Helping siblings to know that it’s OK to talk, particularly in stressful times for both them and their families, is important.

4. Practical support

Another way that parents and carers can support siblings of children and young people with additional needs is by identifying a safe space for them to come and use as a quiet environment for e.g. completing homework.

This could be at a friend or family members house, a library, or some schools offer homework clubs.

For these safe spaces, understanding and meeting siblings’ basic needs is crucial, such as supporting the young person by providing a snack if they have missed a meal, or a quiet place to relax or rest.

Also, it is helpful to be aware of resources to direct young people to, such as counselling, sibling groups, or respite care. This can be done effectively, without stepping on the toes of the parents, by working together to meet the needs of the young person.

It is great to connect families with children and young people with additional needs together, so creating opportunities for families to find those networks, share teas and coffees, or create other activities as a great way to support all of their families, including siblings.

A great support network for siblings is ‘SIBS’: www.sibs.org.uk

An organisation that helps set up additional needs family networks is ‘Take 5 and Chat’ www.take5andchat.org.uk

5. Training

Growing up I found a church youth group where I could have time away from home in a ‘safe space’, which acted as respite for me.

During my teenage years, I had the opportunity to serve and get a break from my caring responsibilities at home when attending youth groups.

The youth groups provided respite from my brother, but there were times when my peers that had additional needs experienced over stimulation and sensory overload resulting in them getting overwhelmed and distressed.

My knowledge and experience of additional needs meant I ended up providing support for a peer due to our youth leaders lacking additional needs training.

This took away from the respite aspect of church and led to me going from being a young carer at home to having similar expectations for my peer at church.

Youth leaders having a basic level of additional needs training makes sure that youth groups can include children of all needs and abilities.

If siblings are in the same youth group as their brother or sister who has additional needs, then the sibling may be happy to help with their support and care, but sometimes they will want to focus on doing their own thing.

Ensuring that the young person is not solely responsible for their sibling with additional needs while at youth group is useful as it allows them to make their own choices about their caring responsibilities.

Find out about additional needs training here: www.urbansaints.org/additionalneedstraining

I hope these five ideas may help in supporting the siblings of children with additional needs, however, they may have ideas and strategies themselves that are much more effective for them.

Start opening up those conversations, siblings can really benefit from extra support but feel like they are not entitled to it because they are not the sibling with additional needs.

Encouragement goes a long way so don’t be afraid to start that conversation!

Phoebe Arnold

As the return to the new school year gets closer for many of us, or has already started for some, it can be a time of great anxiety and stress for all children and young people, especially children and young people with additional needs. It can be a challenging and difficult time for parents and carers too, so here’s 10 ‘Top Tips’, as well as some handy web links, that will equip us to help our children return to school well. Ahead of the first day

· Take anxiety and worries seriously. It’s easy to put their concerns off or to convince ourselves that ‘they will be fine’, but the reality is that we could just be building up trouble for the first day if we put off taking their anxiety and worries seriously.

By engaging with them about this early, it gives us more time to help and support them and more time for them to process the support that we are providing for them.

· Create a ‘social story’ about the return to school. Social stories can use images, symbols, as well as text, to help communicate new or complex things to children. A social story that tells them about their new class or school, the staff they will meet, and what they will be doing, all can help to prepare them for the first day.

An example of a social story that can help here is provided by Reachout ASC: https://reachoutasc.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Transition-to-new-class-2021.pdf

· Create a visual timetable for the first day, showing each stage of the day (you’ll need to get info from school for this). A visual timetable helps children to know what is happening now, next and later, what they need to do, and helps them to remain in control of what they are doing.

A link to an example of a visual timetable resource from Twinkl is provided below: https://www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/t-c-126-visual-timetable-getting-ready-for-school—girls

· Arrange to visit school ahead of the big day, if possible, while it is quiet, to walk through the corridors, see the classroom, maybe meet the teacher/TA etc. Some schools have training days ahead of school opening and it may be possible to arrange a short visit during these days. It’s well worth asking.

On the first day:

· Parents/carers, try to suppress your own anxiety! It’s hard, but children are very perceptive and can pick up when we’re stressed, making them even more anxious. In their minds, if we’re anxious, it must be really bad!

· Get into a routine from day one. Use visual cues e.g. laying out their uniform. Have that visual timetable ready.

· If possible, have them go in on the first day with a friend, even if it’s just from the school gate. Is there something they can take with them that will help them to regulate their anxiety e.g. a fidget toy? (not something precious that might get lost!)

· They are likely to be exhausted when you pick them up. Don’t bombard them with questions the moment you see them or expect too much straight away. Give them some down time first, maybe with a drink and a snack. Later, ask them what they enjoyed most about school today.

· Let them do something they choose or want to do to finish the day positively. They have had other people (including us) telling them what to do all day, letting them choose what to do, or what we can have for our meal for example, gives them some control back over their day.

· Try to get them to bed early. They will be mentally and emotionally exhausted after the first day and so an early night will be helpful, but it will also pay off the next morning when they are fresher and more awake for day two!

Useful links:

Twinkl: There’s a free download on the Twinkl website that helps explain returning to school: https://www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/returning-to-school-social-situation-t-s-2548814

You will also be able to link to other helpful resources from here.

Widgit: There are also free resources about returning to school on the Widgit website: https://www.widgit.com/resources/popular-topics/back-to-school-june/index.htm

Makaton: There’s a free downloadable pack about going back to school on the Makaton website too: https://makaton.org/TMC/Free_resources_.aspx

ReachoutASC: Lynn McCann at ReachoutASC has provided a wealth of free downloadable resources here: https://reachoutasc.com/resources/downloadable-resources/

Action for Children: Knowing how to talk things through with children can be hard, here’s some easy steps to follow from Action for Children: https://www.parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/returning-to-school

Do-IT: A wide range of useful free downloadable resources can be found on the Do-IT website, under their rather appropriate heading of ‘Survive, Revive and Thrive’: https://www.doitprofiler.com/survive-revive-thrive/

Manchester University Foundation Trust: Here’s a great resource written in collaboration between Manchester University Foundation Trust, Manchester Local Care Foundation and One Education, providing a really helpful guide for parents about many aspects of the return to school, along with some positive and useful resources: https://mft.nhs.uk/app/uploads/2020/06/back-to-school-parent-pack-final-version.pdf

Autism little Learners: Just love this site, so full of useful stuff and there are some great Social Stories on this link: https://autismlittlelearners.com/category/social-stories/

As with all Social Stories, these should be adapted or used as a starting point to create a specific version for each child. More information about how to create Social Stories can be found on Lynn McCann’s Reachout ASC site here: https://www.reachoutasc.com/resources

Use these website resources help you to stay informed and able to inform and support your children as they return to school.

I hope these ‘Top Tips’ and website links are helpful for you as you navigate a path through the return to school with your child.

There is a great analogy that helps to explain why neurodiverse children (e.g. who are Autistic, or have ADHD) are perceived to be able to ‘cope’ and be ‘fine’ at school, but can become overwhelmed by the time they get home. There are so many stories about children who appear to be totally different in these two settings; the coke can analogy helps us understand why… Here’s Jack’s story: 

1. Tired 

Jack was up late last night, he wanted to play Fortnite with his friends and it inevitably ran on past bedtime. All that screen time made it hard for him to get to sleep, so when he was woken up to get ready for school he was tired – ‘shake the coke can’ 

2. Transport 

Jack usually gets picked up by school transport. The usual transport escort is off sick, so a replacement has been sent. They don’t know Jack and he doesn’t know them. They don’t realise that Jack has to sit by the window facing the front otherwise he gets travel sick – ‘shake the coke can’ 
 

3. Bullying 
   As Jack arrives at school and heads to his classroom, two other pupils are waiting for him. They enjoy mocking Jack because he is Autistic. Jack’s parents have spoken to the school about it but the school feel that Jack is overreacting – ‘shake the coke can’ 

4. Teacher 
   Mrs. Smith is Jack’s favourite teacher; she understands him and helps him to know what to do in lessons. Often, she prepares resources just for Jack that he finds really helpful. Mrs. Smith is away from school today so a supply teacher is taking the class, she doesn’t know anything about Jack, she hasn’t prepared any resources to help him – ‘shake the coke can’ 

5. Noise 
   The supply teacher finds it hard to control the class, some of them become very noisy and disruptive. Jack finds loud noise overwhelming; he has ear defenders, but he gets mocked when he uses them. Mrs. Smith makes sure this doesn’t happen, but she’s not here today – ‘shake the coke can’ 

6. Hungry 
   Jack has a free school meal. There isn’t much choice about what he is given. Today it’s fish pie… Jack was hoping for sausages or pizza. He doesn’t like fish pie and so doesn’t eat it. He’s hungry now – ‘shake the coke can’ 

7. Playtime 
   Jack goes out into the playground. His usual friend, Jaden, is involved in a game with some other boys and Jack doesn’t want to push in. The two boys that bullied him earlier are in the playground too, so Jack goes inside to hide in the library on his own until the bell goes – ‘shake the coke can’ 

8. Routine 
   Because Mrs. Smith is away, they have changed the timetable for the afternoon and are going to do PE instead of the usual maths lesson. Jack hates PE, the hall is noisy, he’s not very coordinated in his movements, his balance isn’t great, and he can’t run very fast. He gets mocked for this too. He loves maths, but maths isn’t happening this afternoon. The usual routine has changed, Jack finds all of this very hard to process and adapt to – ‘shake the coke can’ 

9. Transport (2) 
   After a difficult drive into school this morning, Jack is dreading the journey home. His anxiety levels are rising fast and when he sees that it’s the replacement escort again, he almost has a panic attack. The replacement escort doesn’t listen to Jack when he says that he has to sit by the window facing forwards. Jack feels travel sick all of the way home – ‘shake the coke can’ 

10. Missing bag 
    As the transport turns into Jack’s street, he reaches for his bag. It’s not there. He suddenly realises that in dealing with almost having a panic attack at school he forgot to pick his bag up from the peg. It’s got his dirty PE kit in it, his homework for this evening, but also his comfort toy that goes everywhere with him. Jack asks if the transport can return to school so that he can get his bag, but he is told he will have to get it tomorrow – ‘shake the coke can’ 

Jack arrives home. As far as school are concerned, he’s ‘coped’ and been ‘fine’ today.

Jack has managed changes of routine, changes of staff, bullying, tiredness, sensory overload, hunger, isolation, loss of his bag, increasing anxiety and panic, travel sickness, and more.

He’s just about held it all together because if he can’t hold it all together at school he is mocked and bullied by the other pupils, the teachers think he’s being badly behaved, and he ends up with trouble all around. 

As he walks through the front door, his parent asks him “Did you have a good day at school today, Jack?” and in doing so metaphorically pulls the ‘ring pull’ on the coke can that has been shaken all day… Boom! Jack erupts, and his parent wonders why this always happens at home and not at school… 

It’s holiday season! That time when we either pack up our stuff and head somewhere for a week or two, or maybe have a ‘staycation’ and relax a bit locally. Either way, a popular item in our collection of things for the holidays is our reading list; some great books that will entertain, delight, scare or surprise us! 

But how about if we think about this from the point of view of parents and carers of children with additional needs.

What books might we add to our summer reading list that will give us some helpful understanding or top tips that will help us with our child?  
 
Here’s some book recommendations from me that you might like to add to your summer additional needs reading list! 
 
‘The Reason I Jump’ – Naoki Higashida – ISBN 978-1-444-77675-1 

Written by an Autistic boy when aged 13, telling his story and describing the world as he experiences it. There is also an award-winning film based on the book 

‘My Diary’ – Emily Owen – ISBN 978-1-78893-166-3 

A real story of childhood disability, challenge, and hope. Covering issues of self-image, self-worth, loss, faith, perseverance, and mental health through the experience of a teenager. 

‘Eye Can Write’ – Jonathan Bryan – ISBN 978-1-91160-078-7 

A true story of a child growing up unable to speak or communicate, then given the tools and belief to release his potential and unlock his communication. A personal and powerful story. 

‘The Story Behind The Songs’ – Kat Mills – ISBN 978-1-9160-7440-8 

Written by adult who identifies as Autistic and also has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), sharing the related stories behind some of her highly acclaimed and successful songs. 

‘The Life You Never Expected’ – Andrew & Rachel Wilson – ISBN 978-1-78359-352-1 

Sometimes as parents you end up living the life you never expected, as the writers did when both their children were diagnosed with additional needs. This is a story about surviving and thriving. 

‘Shattered’ – Rachel & Tim Wright – ISBN 978-1-78259-896-1 

This is not a ‘fix it quick’ kind of book… this is the book you want when your dreams seem out of reach. Bravely honest, funny, faith filled, and refreshing. 

‘A Boy Made Of Blocks’ – Keith Stuart – ISBN 978-0-7515-6327-6 

Inspired by the author’s experiences with his own son, this book is a moving, hilarious and most of all true-to-life story of love, family, Minecraft, and Autism. 

‘One Thousand Gifts’ – Ann Voskamp – 978-0-310-32191-0 

A book that will challenge you to look differently at each day, to count your blessings, to live fully right where you are. It will help you look away from the dark places and to see the glimmers of light. 

‘Forest School and Autism – A Practical Guide’ – Michael James – ISBN 978-1-78592-291-6 

Michael James runs his own Forest School in Somerset. He has 15+ years experience working as a support worker for Autistic people and is a member of the Forest School Association. 

I hope you enjoy these book list recommendations and find them helpful. If you know other parents or carers on a similar journey to yours, why not start a book club and meet over a coffee to chat about the books you’ve read! 
 
Happy summer! 

“Phew! Wot A Scorcher!” screams the newspaper headlines as the temperature rises to new record levels once again, but for families with children with additional needs, the screams are all too real as they and their children struggle to cope with the heat.

So, here’s some links to places that families of children with additional needs can go to get some help and advice as we all try to support our children…

Mummy Est.2014
This is a great website for families of children with additional needs, and a recent blog post is packed with helpful tips to cope with the heat.

Heatwave with kids: Ways to handle a heatwave

Red Cross

Always a useful resource for health and safety tips, the Red Cross website has a great article with seven things to remember in a heatwave.

Heatwave UK: Top tips for keeping cool

https://www.redcross.org.uk/stories/health-and-social-care/first-aid/beat-the-hot-weather-top-tips-for-staying-cool

BBC News

The Disability area of the BBC News website is always worth a look, and it currently has a really helpful article about cooling solutions for disabled people of any age, including children.

Disability and the heatwave: Cooling solutions and disability as weather alert goes red
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-62136032

The SEN Resources Blog

Another useful website for families and carers to explore anyway, but the SEN Resources Blog also has this useful article to help keep our children cool during the heatwave.

How To Keep Kids Cool During The Heatwave

https://senresourcesblog.com/2022/07/16/how-to-keep-kids-cool-during-the-heatwave/

And finally… here’s some resources from Twinkl to help to explain about the heatwave to your additional needs children…

Twinkl

Lots of resources including visuals to help you to explain about the heatwave to your child

https://www.twinkl.co.uk/search?q=heatwave&c=244&r=parent

I hope this provides you with a head start as you look to keep your child with additional needs safe and cool during the heatwave, and as you help them to understand more about the heatwave too.

Keep safe!