I have been very open about my PTSD through this journey.
I feel that it is important to help other parents understand that it is normal to have PTSD.
It’s normal for parents to stress or relive the trauma they have endured.
For me, it’s in the form of worry, confusion and nightmares.
This means that even though I’m sleeping, the dreams I am having are so stressful I often wake up tired.
I went quite a while feeling good and life wasn’t so stressful.
I thought “maybe this is the light at the end of the tunnel.” As quickly as I thought that BAM something comes up that spins me backwards again.
That “BAM” was an intense surgery that caused Sawyer a lot of pain.
He spent 5 days in the hospital in extreme pain and came home in pain.
We have been up every night from one to to two hours, sometimes more depending on pain and nausea.
Sleep deprivation is hard enough as a parent but when you combine that for weeks on end and playing the game of cat and mouse, it’s a lot.
It increases depression, anxiety and overall feeling of being down.
These things compound into doing things that make me feel better in the moment such as spending money or eating junk food.
They do not make me feel better overall.
It’s a nasty spiral that I suspect a lot of parents of children with complex needs go through.
We are in the weeds of a very tough season. I know things will improve.
I know that he will begin to feel better which means he will sleep.
It’s hard to imagine that right now when we are in survival mode.
I pour my heart into this blog not to make people feel sorry for me, but for people to understand what goes on in the mind of a full time complex care mom.
Even though there are times that aren’t quite so hard as now, the anxiety and stress are still simmering under the surface.
Moms and dads tend to carry battle wounds and it’s not often we share them.
We feel as though we need to be strong but it’s ok to share our weaknesses.
It’s ok to admit you need help and it’s ok to ask for help.
I hope that all parents reading this will give themselves grace.
YOU are doing an amazing job. YOUR CHILD APPRECIATES IT!