Unfortunately, most of us know that, “changing facilities”, for our kids or loved ones with disabilities means, “the baby changing table”. most (but not all) facilities provide.

If you did not catch that, allow me to repeat myself:

The same table we use to change our infants on in public restrooms are the same tables that most of us have to use to change our older children who can’t use a toilet independently.

I can attest, but some of us have even had to resort to changing our children or even cathing them on the floor of that public restroom, or, going back to the trunk of our car to do so.

It really is degrading to put our children and loved ones on the floor of a public bathroom, when most are even appalled to put their own belongings on such a place.

I have signed many petitions, written plenty of suggestions/reviews, and shared many a post on Facebook for all who aren’t personally affected by this, to gain awareness.

Hopefully, the more voices behind the movement, the more we will be heard!

I do hope there will be one day in the future where I can have a higher weight limit, stable, proper changing facility for my son when I have to get him in and out of his wheelchair for catheterization.

I hope that we can have lower sinks, for those like my Oliver, who use a wheelchair and cannot wash his own hands unless I take him out and lift him up to reach.

I hope to find all doors wheelchair accessible with the automatic buttons to push them open.

I hope for so much, to include so many and to make them feel comfortable in a place where we require so much privacy.

One day, I do believe we will acquire all those things..

However, until then, I hope to back my voice for things like this through blogs and, then, to have it backed by other voices which are heard and supported by you all!

How often have you queued, crossing your legs, or reminded your young children to cross their legs while you wait your turn to use the toilet?

How would you feel if you saw teenagers (for example) coming out of that toilet, giggling and messing while your toddler has soiled themselves waiting.

You’d be pissed off, let’s be honest, you’d be probably so annoyed that you may even snap at those giggling teenagers for mis-using the toilet. Would you report the abuse of the public toilet?

But realistically, you don’t face this type of situation when using public toilets.

How often have you had to clean the toilet seat before using it?

How often have you told your kiddies not to touch anything in the toilet because you know it’s dirty and used by the general public; but imagine you don’t have a choice, there isn’t another toilet next to this one, and this is the only toilet you can use. There is no line of similar toilets to choose from.

Imagine if your child sat on the floor of that toilet while you cleaned the seat, you wouldn’t allow it and you’d be right – can you imagine the amount of germs on the floor of that public toilet?! Yuck.

The toilet itself suits your needs; you can reach the toilet seat and the toilet roll.

It’s small but there is only supposed to be one of you in there, so when you’re without your toddler it is suitable.

Baby changing facilities are located in the disabled toilet. You need to change your baby, your toddler needs the toilet and you’ve a buggy plus shopping bags with you.

The only toilet available to you is the disabled toilet. One singular disabled toilet, used by many, many people.

You’re not disabled, nor are your kiddies but there is no way you’d consider changing your baby on the ground. (Nor should you have to.)

There is no family toilet. A family toilet would be much more suitable to your needs; room for buggy, baggage, a place to change your baby and have your toddler in the room with you.

Family toilets are often incorporated into disabled toilets.

This is not your fault. This is what disabled toilets for years have always been, a place to change your baby and help your young child go to the toilet.

Imagine your baby isn’t small enough to change on your lap. Imagine your baby isn’t small enough to fit on the changing table in the disabled toilet.

Would you then place your baby on the ground of the toilet to change them?

Luckily for you, when your baby is too big to use the changing table, the toilet becomes suitable for your child to use.

Imagine if your child could never use the toilet?

Imagine if your child could not go to the toilet independently and needed some help.

Imagine if the disabled toilet that you queued for, hadn’t even the basic hand rails to help your child use the toilet.

Imagine if you had no choice but to lay your child on the floor of that public toilet.

Imagine if you had to wait so long to use this toilet that your child soiled themselves and their wheelchair was now wet, a chair that they have to sit in regardless of it being soiled or wet.

Imagine you see a young mother coming out of that disabled toilet with her buggy, bags and her toddler.

Imagine how angry you would feel that disabled toilets are still catering to her needs rather than your child’s needs, your child who has a disability.

You’re not angry at the mother, let me be crystal clear about that.

Why do young mothers have to use disabled toilets? Because like us (parents of children with disabilities), they have no choice. There isn’t another family toilet for them to use. They have a baby, a toddler and a buggy, they need a safe big space to change their baby- a disabled toilet isn’t that space but a disabled toilet is all they have.

It’s time to change that.

It’s time for family rooms.

It’s time for proper equipped disabled toilets, used by the disabled community only.

Family rooms should be there for all types of families; kiddies with autism who cannot handle the rush of the average toilet cubicles.

Family rooms should be open and readily available for all types of families so they don’t have to apologise or feel guilty for using disabled toilets.

I’ve campaigned before for better equipped disabled toilets and for the abuse of these toilets to be noticed and corrected but it seems to always start a debate.

This time I’d like to campaign for family rooms and to have our disabled toilets fitted with hoists, changing benches, handrails …. So that those who need help to independently use the toilet; can. And for those who need a career or parent to help them use the toilet; can and that the carer or parent do not have to use the floor as a changing bench.

Family rooms are needed, there is no denying that.

Disabled toilets are needed, there is no denying that.

A baby changing table in a disabled toilet is not a disabled toilet it is in fact more in line with a family room.

I often wonder why the disabled community are so overlooked when it comes to basic human rights; a disabled toilet that caters more to the parents of young kiddies rather than those who are physically disabled makes my blood boil.

This is not about hidden disabilities, this is not about the abuse of the disabled toilets (despite how often we witness this) this is about making a disabled toilet suitable for those with physical disabilities.

It is time to get annoyed about it.

It is time that those who have disabilities can go out into their communities knowing that there are toilets suited to their needs, just like everyone else when they go out.

It’s time to separate family toilets from disabled toilets.

It’s world toilet day; if we can’t say what we mean today, when can we?

I have regrets.

I have personal regrets, which I am not going to bore you with, instead I am going to talk about a regret which sometimes catches me off guard.

In 2008, Ethan was diagnosed with, “Hunter Syndrome”.

In 2009, Ethan was granted a wish by the wonderful Make-A-Wish. (MAW)

He was nominated by our local Tesco.

We struggled.

We struggled with, firstly, the thought that our little boy met the criteria for MAW.

That’s a huge reality to try to accept; despite doctors and specialists telling us what Hunter Syndrome had planned, we, at the time, couldn’t see it becoming our reality.

We had a little boy who played, joked around, spoke, ran and was very much a typical seven year old with a few behavioral issues  and a hearing impairment .

Back then, it was very hard to acknowledge what Hunter Syndrome would do to our whirlwind son.

We struggled, secondly, with what to do with a once-in-a-lifetime wish.

Ethan told us he wanted to see Mickey Mouse and all his friends from Disney.

We showed him pictures of Disneyland.

‘There. Disneyland, Woo- hoo!!’ he ran around the house as the, ‘fairy’, from MAW laughed and handed us forms.

‘Disneyland it is. Florida, yes?’ She presumed.

This is where the regret comes in.

Ethan’s behaviour was always difficult. His sensory issues were always hard to manage and his excitement over things often lead to extreme behaviour; he was reckless, a ball of energy, no regard for his safety and he never sat still.

He was hard work.

Hard to manage.

Hard to keep calm.

Hard to anticipate his reactions.

Hard to keep focused.

We exchanged looks.

Could we manage Ethan on a plane from Ireland to America?

Could Ethan handle it?

We decided there and then France was more suitable.

And that’s what we, his parents, both regret.

We focused on the wrong things.

We focused on how hard it would have been to fly with Ethan for that length of time. We focused on the busyness of the airport. We focused on possible flight delays. We focused on Ethan’s behaviour.

What we didn’t focus on was; that this could have been one of the last times Ethan could fly anywhere without medications, wheelchair, extra supports and papers from doctors telling the airline what to do in an emergency.

We didn’t realise; despite being told, that Ethan’s syndrome could only ever deteriorate.

We went to Euro Disneyland and had an amazing trip.

It was indeed a dream come true, not only for Ethan, but for us too.

Hindsight is always a great thing.

If we knew, that as the years went by, Ethan would slowly forget his love for Disney, we would have gone to America despite the potential stress that getting there and back may have caused Ethan (and us!)

Back then, it was hard to comprehend that our child, who could name every single Disney character would eventually forget them; he would, in time forget the love he had for them too.

And yes, we regret that we didn’t bite the bullet and go the whole way to America.

What I’ve learned since?

Ethan’s behaviour no longer dictates where we go or where we don’t go.

What dictates it for us now, is accessibility.

We go on day trips, often.

We laugh.

We encourage ‘wildness’ and ‘mischief ‘in Ethan when he gets overly excited these days.

We are going to a Halloween parade for the first time ever, in our local city of Galway.

We no longer worry about the behaviours of Ethan in public.

We only worry about his sensory needs, accessibility and accessible toilets (Space to change to see what I mean by accessible)

And you know what? That’s enough to worry about.

I’m tired of worrying about Ethan’s behaviour and how others react to him.

I regret that we didn’t think like this back in 2009.

To those of you who are anxious about traveling via a plane with your kiddies with extra needs; take it from me, it can be done, just research and contact the airline to get the assistance you require.

Don’t let behaviours or more importantly, other people’s perception of you and your kids, stop you from getting on a plane.

Regrets, we all have a few