“Are you excited to go back to school, baby? Big boy now – year 6, this year!”

“Not really, mum.”

Cameron has not found primary school easy if I’m totally honest, I can only imagine what it’s like for him as he’s not one to moan or meltdown to express his emotions.

When I try to talk to him about it he has said, “I can’t think of the words that I need to explain how it makes me feel, mum”!

When I think back, it was year four where things last seemed simple.

He was at this point communicating, well, his speech had come on amazingly and he was now reading exceptionally well.

He had friends and was, “emerging”, as the school reports said.

This was fantastic, he was by no means the best in his class but he wasn’t at the bottom either.

Last year; year 5, was a really rocky road for us as a family.

It was early on in the school year that we were advised to tell Cameron about his autism as he was starting to realise he was different and other children were and I quote, “starting to become less tolerant of him”.

Please don’t think he’s aggressive or difficult – he just is quite vocal; his ticks tend to be car noises or train horns.

He is getting much better at this but understandably he was doing this when he shouldn’t have been and was causing disruption within the classroom.

It was during this year that we were prewarned, emotional maturity steps up a gear with most typical children and there was still going to be a delay within Cameron which meant that him being, “different”, was once more going to become more prevalent.

Now I pride myself in being a supportive mother both to school and my child, I would say, “just ring me whenever there is ANY problem” – and they did!!

It got to the point where my heart would sink when I saw, “Cam’s School”, pop up on the call ID.

The worst thing though – it was mostly really petty things and it was so frustrating that he just couldn’t stop himself.

Time after time I would get in from work and chastise him within 5 mins of being there, setting a dull tone for the evening ahead.

So, this year – his final year – we have the anticipation of finding out our high school choice and if we will have to appeal.

The SATs tests that will set out his start of high school.

Trying to get him to be less naïve and think if there is any possibility that I could actually get him catching a bus or walking a short distance home with some friends…

In all honesty, if someone was to actually ask me:

“Are you excited for him to go back to school, Zowie? Year 6, this year!”

“No, not really.”