I will be honest and say that before I had my son, I didn’t really know what teaching assistants did.

I got the obligatory thank you gifts but that was it.

They were just another adult in the classroom just tidying up after the teacher.

Wow, was I wrong.

Teacher assistants are the glue of the classroom.

My son can’t deal with music classes, they are too loud, they are too chaotic and just something he can not handle.

So while the teacher is teaching the other children, the teaching assistant spends her time not only helping the other children get their instruments and doing her other duties but she spends time with my son 1 to 1, doing breathing exercises and distraction techniques to calm him down and making him feel comfortable.

The teaching assistant knows my son, she can be the other side of the room and see him clenching his fists and knows that something has happened and that she needs to act now before my son gets into a full blown meltdown.

She knows how to direct him to his calm down area without making it feel like a punishment.

My son’s teaching assistant has also handled negative comments and actions towards my son in such a calm and professional way.

She has seen the comments some children have made to my son, and have gone above and beyond to make not only my son feel better, but also have explained and taught the other children about autism and about why my son acts in a certain way, and has taught them to celebrate his differences and shown them how he is actually an amazing child.

Yes, teaching assistants help the teacher but it goes far beyond just cleaning and taking children to the toilet.

My son would be lost without his teaching assistant.

He wouldn’t have settled into school and wouldn’t feel so comfortable in the school surroundings without his teacher assistant.

I honestly feel a lot more comfortable with my son going to school now he has such a fantastic person looking out for him and fighting his corner when I can not be there.

To me, they are a school superhero!

It’s that time of year again when us parents are busy getting the children’s school uniforms together, making sure they have all the pens and pencils required and that their shoes and coats are right for running around in the playground playing tag.

It’s also that time of year, when the weeks of no routine have really taken a toll on my autistic son.

He is all over the place, he is taking himself away into his dark den to calm down, he is taking himself away to watch baby TV to relax, he is hitting out and having meltdowns at the smallest of things.

He is anxious and twirling his hair and banging his head on walls.

We are all ready for the school routine.

However, if you parent a child with autism you will realise that yes, the lack of routine in the summer holidays is awful as you watch your child not being able to cope, however, going back to school and going back into routine can be a challenge in itself.

New teachers, new classrooms, maybe even new pupils.

School will generally be the same building and yet the routine my son left in July will be so different to the one he is going back to in September.

This summer holidays we have really tried to prepare my son for venturing back into a new school year and new routine.

To try and relax him and calm his anxiety around the fact his safe school environment is changing and the first few weeks while he is settling into a new routine will not be easy for him.

Before the school shut for the summer holidays the children had a “transition week” where they get to see their new teachers and new classroom various times of the day for a week.

We could also get to see and talk to the new teacher about any concerns.

After last year we realised that it would probably be brilliant to get a photo book done.

So the teacher very graciously took pictures of our son at different places; at his new desk, where his coat will be hung, the new toilets he will use, him sitting where his quiet area will be, but most importantly him with his new teacher.

This has meant that all holidays we have been able to discuss going back to school, telling him where he will put things and ease his anxiety a little.

We have also been very careful around getting his uniform.

We always buy 3 pairs of shoes, in 3 different sizes, so that when his feet grow he can have the same shoe.

He knows they are new as they feel new, however he knows that they are as close to the same shoe as I can possibly get.

We also haven’t brought him any new uniform.

He will be going back to school in the uniform he wore at the end of term.

He feels comfortable in that uniform and he knows how it feels and smells.

He doesn’t understand why he needs a new jumper when his old one still fits, and therefore we don’t buy him new jumpers.

We have learnt from last year where he got most anxious and have tried to adapt and prepare him this year.

However, we do know he will still get anxious, he will still feel uncomfortable for the first few weeks while he is settling into his new routine.

So we will make sure his dark den is ready for when he gets home, we will make sure his weighted blanket is around and we will send him to school with his fidget bag ready.

When that first day of school hits I hope he will be as comfortable as possible.

That’s what all parents really want, isn’t it?

My daughter collapsed the other day and broke her arm.

As expected the hospital asked how it happened.

I repeated the story to the trauma nurse, to the x-ray technician, to the consultant and to the nurse that did the cast.

They all had a puzzled look on their face as I said her muscles and nerves just stop working for no reason, I explained that she is under the specialist children’s hospital and these ‘episodes’ are under investigation.

After reading through the notes they nodded and had sympathy for me, rather than looking at me like I neglected my child.

My daughter then had a cast on her arm for the next 3 weeks.

3 weeks of strangers looking at me with different expressions ranging from sympathy to disgust that my toddler had a broken arm.

I realised that this is going to happen for the rest of my daughter’s life.

She is mentally delayed and she will probably need a wheelchair or at least a walking aid, and yet she looks perfectly healthy.

On a bad day though she can not move at all and she is like a new born again.

Apparently, it takes 5 seconds to make a first impression, and in those 5 seconds the look on your face is going to happen especially if you are judging a stranger.

However, for the stranger that look, especially of disgust, will last so much longer.

I will never be able to get those looks out of my head.

My daughter will always have to deal and cope with these looks and stares and it angers me that she has to deal with these.

My other children have already experienced the negative looks and have started to ask questions about why people stare and talk about their sister.

I have no experience of this negative aspect of human nature and I don’t know what to say to my children.

I try and stay positive and explain that they don’t understand the condition and so stare.

That we don’t have time to explain to every stranger that stares at us the health problems of their sister and so we just have to carry on as normal and ignore them.

That doesn’t erase the memories of the stares and negative comments.

Before having my daughter, I wasn’t very thick skinned, but she has taught me to be strong and unfortunately get a thick skin.

My daughter is undiagnosed and if I had a £1 for everyone that has made some sort of comment about the fact she can’t be that unwell if they don’t know what is wrong with her I would be extremely rich!

I think people assume that doctors know everything, that all the conditions that cause serious illnesses are known and can be identified by a simple blood test.

My daughter seems to have a list of symptoms and yet not one diagnosis.

This past week alone we have found out that when her muscles give out her heart gets tachycardic, that her kidneys are onto the next stage of kidney failure, and that she has started to have absent seizures.

All without a reason. All new symptoms to add to her complex list.

Last week we were celebrating that she has put on weight and so doesn’t need a feeding tube, the week before that we were overjoyed at the fact that we were told she won’t walk and yet she can now take 5 very wobbly steps.

So to be hit with the news that actually inside she isn’t doing well shattered us.

Life really is a roller-coaster having a child with a disability.

You have the days where you are screaming at the world at how life shouldn’t be like this, that no child deserves this, that your child doesn’t deserve this!!

Then, the next day you are singing out and so happy as they have done something so small and yet so remarkable that you are grinning from ear to ear with such pride that you don’t know why you ever doubted the universe.

Life with an undiagnosed child is exactly the same, we may not have a label on what is wrong with my girl but we are on the same roller-coaster.

A roller-coaster no one thought they would be on but here we are on it.

It is something that brings us together and when you have a child with a disability having people around in similar situations is just what we need to cope to know we are not alone, whether the disability has a label or not.

These medicines mean I cope with most things that come my way.

They do not however stop me from having my bad days like everyone else and having 2 children with disabilities these bad days can be quite frequent and so I have learnt a few ways to cope with these days.

Personal Space

This may sound like a dream, we have all seen the memes regarding parents and their personal space or alone time but it is something I insist on.

I let my husband know I am having a bath and I am locking the door and for that 45 minutes it is just me in the bathroom. It is just my thoughts.

I am not a carer for 45minutes. I don’t need to worry about doctors, about the next round of fighting my child to have her medicine.

It is just me, maybe a magazine and some candles.

45 minutes is 3% of your day. If you can’t have just 3% of your day to be you then you are never relaxing, you are never switching off and switching off is something I have found is key to my mental well-being.

Small Treats

When was the last time we treated ourselves?

I know before I actively gave myself small treats I would have said the last treat was probably before having children.

The small treats don’t need to cost anything, it could be a quick 5 minutes of popping into the garden to just smell the flowers, it could be once all the children are in bed doing your nails.

It could even mean having a nap when your child has a nap or is at school instead of doing the chores.

It may be putting a bar of chocolate into your trolley for later that night and not sharing any of it as it is your treat.

Seeking Help

Sometimes saying to your partner, family or friends that actually today isn’t going right.

That today you haven’t got the mental strength to do anything helps.

Having people you can call and feel safe about saying,

“I’m really struggling today, everything is getting on top of me” and being able to speak honestly, be able to rant and moan about life, be able to cry and to be able to just lift the emotional burden by sharing it always helps me.

My friends are brilliant, I put the kids to bed and then when the husband is home I go out for a walk with my friends and I put the world to rights.

They just hug me and that is one of the most mentally uplifting things a hug.

I always come back and feel like I can face the world again and we need this as we are fighting the world everyday for our children.

What I call down days every one goes through and it is normal.

It would be wrong to say your always fine and I feel that the more we are honest and say that actually I am not coping today is the start of being able to help yourself and your mental health.

That we would go on spontaneous adventures all the time.

That we would be that social media family that is perfect. The reality is completely different!

I now have 4 children who I wouldn’t change for the world but our spontaneous trips and the ease of family life is slightly different.

My son has autism and my daughter has an undiagnosed neurological problem. This causes quite a few issues when it comes trips out.

We generally go to the same places we always go to as we know our son can cope with it.

If we go away we will generally head for animal related places as animals calm him down.

He can not stand being sticky or wet so going out in the rain is a no go unless you want him hitting you the whole time as he can feel every rain drop touching his skin. Going to places with big crowds can overwhelm him but with his ear defenders and his belt that attaches to an adult makes him feel a little more comfortable.

Soft play is a no go unless it is during the quiet period, so when the sun is out and everyone goes outside we head to the soft play as it is empty!

That’s before we get onto my daughter. She is nearly 2 and yet is delayed around a year. A lot of places are going to start charging for her and yet she doesn’t understand anything.

She doesn’t talk and her attention span is non existent.

She also can’t be around people who are ill as the slightest cold makes her extremely ill. When she is having a bad day we generally do not go out, she is too ill and this breaks my heart.

All of this just means we have to be slightly more prepared when going out.

My other 2 children seem to have gotten used to the fact we can’t just go out when they want to.

They have gotten used to the fact that we will get to the zoo before it opens so that we can be the first ones in and be out before the crowds really start. They have gotten used to the fact we always go away to the same places that we know are suitable.

They understand that unlike their friends our day trips are strictly planned and a lot of research is put into them.

Family life is a lot different to how I thought it would be however would I change it? No. I love my children, I love their uniqueness and if this means I can’t have spontaneous trips out that is fine as my family is perfect to me.