A lot of families who have children with special needs struggle mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. And people often wonder why.

A lot of times we must fight to get the things we need for our children. And that take away a lot from us.

Things aren’t given to us because we have a child with special needs.

We must go through hoops and hurdles sometimes to get what they need. And a lot of times its just us out there searching for ways even with the resources that are available to us.

People think that because our children qualify for government assistance its not hard for us, but the truth is government assistance isn’t available to everyone and everyone its available to still must fight for certain things.

We still must provide proof that what we ask for is needed for our child.

Being its more than just our child needing things there are often waiting list for things that are available to them such as therapy and waiver programs.

These lists can sometime take months and even years before their available to you. And as parent although you know this you continue to look because you know your child need these things.

In hopes that someway somehow there is another way.

That’s why I don’t mind sharing whatever I know with other families because I know how hard it can be to have fight to get the things your child need.

I share my experiences as well as my knowledge with others. No need for them to stress themselves out by researching the things that I have already.

And the parents I share with always appreciate it.

Parenting kids with special needs is a constant job for us.

We’re not only their parent but were their voice, nurse, advocate and whatever else they need us to be. We fight because its all we need.

We’re always in attack mode when it comes to them because were so use to people giving us a hard time.

But more importantly we love them enough not accept no but fight for the things they need.

A lot of us are motivated to want to do more for the special needs community after having a child with special needs.

In my case not only was I motivated by my son but my daughter as well.

My daughter Jada adores her brother and she often talks about how she’s going to care for him if something was to ever happen to me.

Her love for children with special needs goes way beyond her brother.

I’m always told by her teachers how she’s always willing to help those who have special needs. As well as any child that’s new to her class.

Whenever someone is being mean or doesn’t want to be friends with another child, she always talks to me about it. And I can tell that it really bothers her.

One day while talking to her she expressed to me how she wishes she could be friends with everyone, so they won’t feel alone.

She doesn’t like it when people are mean to others because of the way they are born or how they look.

Then one day she asked me if I think Jaylen will ever have any friends other than our family? And that very same day she decided that she wanted to be pen pals with children that have special needs and those that are being bullied.

She started writing last year and we call it Jada Buddies.

I reached out to families of different groups that I’m in n Facebook to see if it they would be interested in their child receiving letters from Jada.

And the response was amazing it was so overwhelming we had to take a break from it.

She recently started back writing and this time she has some help. At her birthday party she had a pen pal station where she asked her friends to pick a friend and help her write while they enjoy some hot chocolate.

The kids enjoyed it and it made her happy too.

I think siblings of children with special needs are amazing.

They look at the world different from other and can appreciate even the small things.

Sometimes families of children with special needs tend to isolate themselves. And it could be for a lot of different reasons.

But I find the number one reason to be because they don’t feel like their family is included.

I myself have never experience this with my family or friends. But my family has become one of those isolated families lately.

We’re usually invited to everything and Jaylen is always included in whatever it is. Because they know if he’s not included than we will not partake in it.

It’s just lately we been spending a lot of time home. My friends and family do come over to spend time with us because I’m open with them as to why we stay home.

But for those who don’t know they often get offended when we don’t come around.

They assume we feel like were better than them or we just don’t have any time for them anymore when it’s not the case.

I must admit that being home all the time get very depressing especially when I want company, and no one is able to come over. But I can’t expect everyone to stop their lives for us.

Raising my son has become challenging but knowing his diagnosis has helped us to find the resources we need to help him as well as us. And right now, the safest place for us to have him is home.

In our home we have things we need to keep him safe and we can’t expect everyone to Jaylen proof their home just for us to come over.

I never expected it to get like this for my family, but it has been our reality for a while now. And although from the outside looking in people say things can’t be that bad.

But its honestly our reality no matter how good we make it look. And to be honest it took a lot for me to accept it for what it is.

That include talking to other families that have been through this and had to isolate themselves to get through it as well.

I’m thankful that I have the support I have as we get through this. And even more thankful to have people I can talk to.

Sometimes as parents of children with special needs we get so caught up caring for the child who rely on us for everything and forget we have other kids too.

Well I wouldn’t say forget but we figure since their able to do for themselves they don’t need us as much.

As a parent that has other children as well as my son who has cerebral palsy, epilepsy and autism I sometimes forget they need me just as much as he does.

I try my best to make sure that I give them just as much attention as I give my son, but the truth is its not easy.

I always feel guilty about not being able to do as much with them as I would like to especially with them being girls.

And although it doesn’t seem to bother them because their response is always at least we get to do things it really does bother me.

Whenever we go out, I always must consider what can we do that Jaylen can be included in.

His favorite thing is water, amusement park rides and riding go carts.

So that’s where we spend a lot of our time at.

We’ve tried different things that really interest my girls, but my son has meltdowns because it’s not something he want to do so we end up leaving.

Which is not fair to my girls, but I swear their the most understanding.

Even when I say well, we will leave Jaylen and Daddy home so we can do something that you guys want to do they’ll rather do something where we all can be together.

So, most times when I do get to spend time with them outside of homework it’s at night. Because Jaylen is usually in the bed at 7.

I love watching television with them and catching up on shows they like.

We talk about school while commercial breaks are on and whatever else is on their mind.

I found out my oldest daughter favorite television show is Fuller House and as a child one of my favorite shows was Full House. Pretty cool right!

Its important that we give all of our children our time even if you have to find time in between time to give it time.

It’s almost time for the children to go back to school. I’m always excited when its time for them to go back until the day comes for them to finally go back.

Especially for our oldest son Jaylen who has special needs and is nonverbal.

If there is any change in his school, teachers or teacher aides its instant anxiety for me.

I absolutely hate change when it involves him. And for the past couple of years this has always happen.

So, every year on his first day of school I cry.

My husband must make me leave the classroom.

I remember about two years ago after being at the same school with the same teacher for four years they moved him.

On his first day of school I was nervous, and my anxiety was through the roof.

When we got to the school, we wheeled him in and met his new teacher as well as the aides.

All I thought about the entire time is taking my baby back home. I asked a million questions and they answered them.

They were very sweet but still I did not want to leave my baby with them.

After my husband saw that I was procrastinating he said let’s go.

I kissed my baby and we began walking to the door.

As I walked towards the door tears began to fall. My breath was short, and I just wanted to go back in that classroom to get my baby.

All while my husband is consoling me and reassuring me that Jaylen would be alright.

While walking down another parent notice I was crying and asked my husband was I alright.

She than asked, is this your baby first day of kindergarten too? My husband said no, our son is in the sixth grade.

The look on that lady face was priceless but if you aren’t a parent of a child with special needs you probably wouldn’t understand either.

We know our children need to go to school because they need to learn as well as socialize with their peers.

Its just something about putting them in the care of others that seems so hard to do.

Parents of children with special needs are often diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I am one of those parents. I am also the parent that was afraid to seek help.

As parents of children with special needs our main priority are always our children.

We honestly put everything else before we put our own health.

Not realizing that we must take care of ourselves in order to take care of our children.

When I first started having feelings of depression it was hard for me to speak out to anyone about it.

I thought I would be judged and even labelled as being an unfit parent.

At the time I didn’t know any parents that had children with specials needs personally.

And I felt like talking to someone that wasn’t in the same situation as me wouldn’t understand. They would be more sympathetic of the situation instead of being able to sympathize with my situation.

I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me because there isn’t anything to be sorry about.

I love my son more than I love me and I’m so thankful to have him. Its just that there are times when he goes through things or we get bad news that send me into depression.

It makes me feel like a failure as his parent.

So many times, I’ve wished for a magic lamp or fairy godmother to change it all, but we all know that’s not going to happen.

Therefore, all I must depend is the doctor. And I can’t take out on them what’s going on with Jaylen. Although sometimes I do because their the one giving me the bad news but it’s wrong of me to do so.

So, who do I blame for what’s going on with him? Myself!

I blame myself for every single surgery, seizure and his everyday struggles knowing I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

My entire pregnancy I did everything I was supposed to do to make sure my son was a healthy baby boy. And somehow, I still feel I failed him.

This causes me to suffer with depression as well as anxiety.

After battling with it for a while I decided to seek help.

I trusted my son pediatrician, so I decided to talk to her about the way I sometimes felt.

Once I talked to her, she told me that what I was feeling was normal for parents that have children with special needs.

Being we have so much more on our plates we often go suffer with depression and that I would be okay. She encouraged me to get help because I needed to take care of me in order to take care of Jaylen.

She reassured me that getting help wouldn’t make me an unfit parent but a better one.

With that being said I wanted anyone whose feeling this way to know that you’re not alone.

Its okay not to be okay. And its also okay to seek help.

Inclusion is very important but sometimes its hard to get others to include children with special needs in different things due to liability.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted a boy and I got a boy.

Once I found out I was having a boy I always talked about how we would throw the football around. I love football!

I’m a big Philadelphia Eagles fans in case you were wondering but I think my son like the Pittsburgh Steelers from his reactions when he see them play.

Well after having Jaylen I realized that us throwing around the football may never happen.

One day while venting on facebook about inclusion and how I always wanted Jaylen to play football Coach Derek Jamison from my hometown messaged me.

He invited me to bring Jaylen out to a jamboree. I agreed to bring him.

At this game Jaylen was given the opportunity to lead the team out on the field.

This was one of the best days of my life. Because although he didn’t get to play in the game, nor did he get to throw the ball he was given an opportunity to be amongst his peers.

He experienced going out on a field as if he was about to play in the game. Which was something I thought I would never see.

My son just as well as any other child or adult out there with special needs should never be left out of things because of their disability.

There are different ways to include a child with special needs and what Coach Derek Jamison did was one way.

An amazing way at that! Most times people look at our kids and feel sorry for them instead of finding ways to help them.

Thankfully things are getting better.

People are making things more adaptive for our children and they aren’t left out as much.

Those things can also become unavailable to us if we don’t utilize them more.

So take advantage of the things that are given to us because we could easily lose the thing we’ve been fighting for.