All this together time at home has afforded parents a lot more time to be involved in many aspects of their child’s daily lives. 

Whereas in the past, many parents have often left their home early in the morning, only to reunite with their children 6 or maybe even 8-10 hours later.

Parents have gained easier access to their children by being in and around the house during wake hours and taking more of an active role in day to day and recreational activities.

In many homes, this extra time together has had a positive impact on teaching a child self-regulation skills.

Recent studies have shown that fathers generally engage in more physical play with their children. 

The University of Cambridge has found that this type of play helps a child develop self-regulation.

Parent-child play in early years generally focuses on cognitive and communication skills.

However, even with babies, fathers were found to move limbs up, down, and around. 

Then as the child grows, fathers are found to engage in games such as tag, play wrestling, tickling or chasing one another. 

This type of play typifies a rhythm where there’s a quiet time, an unanticipated movement or explosive sound, and then the cycle repeats. 

The parent generally monitors the child’s reaction and modulates their response based on their findings.   

Simultaneously, from the child’s perspective, a child must anticipate the antecedent, receive and integrate the information, and then wind down in preparation for the next cycle. 

Rough play with your child is in no uncertain terms a sensory experience to the max and another way to teach your child self-regulation.

The sounds, the movement, the tactile touch, be it a squeeze, tickle, or swing, can be very stimulating to any body. 

In a circuitous way, rough play actually trains a child’s self-regulation as they anticipate, and then regroup from, each wave of tactile, auditory, and visual stimulation. 

Longitudinal studies have shown that children who have experienced rough play develop better self-regulation skills when they start school. 

*I acknowledge that the label of  ‘father’ is arbitrary as I know that the family unit can look many different ways. Just to clarify this is not a political nor a social statement.

My son just turned 2 recently and I’ve been thinking and reflecting back to his birth and those early days quite a lot.

We’ve come so far.

My son was born in 2019 and during birth, sustained a severe brain injury due to lack of oxygen.

The circumstances surrounding his brain injury still remain unclear and we may never find out the exact cause.

When I think back to how I felt during those first few weeks I can honestly say that there hasn’t been another time in my life when I have ever felt so vulnerable or helpless.

I would look to the Doctors and expect them to have all of the answers.

We assume Doctors know every answer. But unfortunately sometimes they just don’t. 

Although I am incredibly and eternally grateful to some of the doctors that have worked hard to keep my son alive, to diagnose and treat him over the last 2 years, (especially his wonderful consultant paediatrician who has known him since the very day he was born and is our go to gal).

They themselves and the tests they carry out are not infallible and they are not superhuman. 

They do get things wrong, they do make mistakes and unfortunately they do not always solve the puzzle. It is ok to question them and get a second opinion. 

Sometimes we can hang far too much on what they say. 

Whilst NICU doctors were telling me my son’s prognosis and apologising for our circumstances I remember feeling that it must be really terrible if they are apologising. 

What they couldn’t tell me though was the amount of love and joy that he would bring to our family. 

They couldn’t tell me that I would grow more as a person in two years than I could have ever imagined. 

They couldn’t tell me how my son would surprise them all time and time again with the things he would go on to achieve.

They couldn’t tell me how I would meet some of the most incredibly kind, supportive and understanding people (other HIE parents) that would fast become my friends. 

They couldn’t tell me that I would develop the confidence and skills to become the best advocate for my son.

They couldn’t tell me that I’d be tested beyond my limits and withstand so much trauma, stress and worry and still have the resilience to keep getting up every day and trying to be the best Mum and carer for my son. 

They couldn’t tell me that I would gain more medical knowledge than I thought I’d ever be capable of learning.  

They couldn’t tell me that disability is not a tragedy. 

They couldn’t tell me this because often they see a patient, an NHS number, a case study or a set of symptoms.

They see a child living a none ‘typical’ life. 

They don’t always get to see the joy that fills you up once you pick through the wreckage and put the pieces back together in your own special way. 

It is our job as parents to show the world that disabilities and differences are not tragedies and there is so much to celebrate and be grateful for.