This means paying in and out to the insurance companies to meet deductibles and co-pays. It is always nice once you meet that deductible, but the road to get there is pricey and painful.

My son Oliver goes to therapy twice a week for his approved hour long sessions.

When insurance resets and we have to meet our deductible, we have to pay a higher rate for these sessions. Once we meet all we have to, we can pay the lower rate.

Unfortunately this year, I have had to manage a few expenses and come down to figuring that we just could not handle to higher rate with him going twice a week. Simply put, it is just too expensive.

Imagine as a parent, knowing physical therapy is the best thing for your child, and having to come to the decision to cut down session time because of the costs.. It hurts, to the core.

You try to figure other ways you can cut costs, to supply the extra income for these sessions but sometimes you expend all you can.

This was the decision I had to make one day in January, and little did I know a good deed would come from it.

After getting off the phone with Oliver’s therapist about cutting down session time, I was determined to spend more time with him at home and supplying what I could for him.

I came across a set of instructions from another family member, on how to make parallel bars for your child. Normally you see these bars used by gymnast, to help work on balance, strength and other areas.

If you make them short and small enough, young children can use the set of bars to hold their weight and walk back and forth on.

This is our number one goal during our sessions, so I thought this was perfect.

I set out to Home Depot with my instructions and kiddos, to make these bars for Oliver. Once inside, a man greeted us and asked what I needed help finding.

I told him PVC pipes, as these are what the bars are made out of, and we followed him to the correct aisle.

After going back and forth on what would fit Oliver best, height, and such, he told me to just go walk around the store and he would actually take my instructions and put together these set of bars.

I was surprised and grateful, as I ultimately had no idea how I was going to manage it after buying all the supplies. 30 minutes or so later, we arrived back in the aisle to a fully assembled set of parallel bars.

We had Oliver do a test walk on them, and they fit perfectly! To our bigger surprise, Home Depot decided they were going to purchase all the supplies for us and we would not be paying a dime.

This company knew nothing about me cutting down therapy time, or money being tight, or anything.

They went out of their way to help my son and I, and blessed us with this amazing, good, deed.

Are you friends with everyone who lives in your street? What about your favourite football team or at your work…do you have an instant and long-lasting friendship with them because you have one mutual thing in common?

Of course not!

It’s the same in the disability world too.

Just because my child has autism or any other condition does not mean I will get on with, be friends with, or even connect with someone else whose child has the same condition.

I have a few friends on my social media whose children attend my daughter’s school. I choose to have them because we are actually friends and if we met in the local supermarket we would actually say hello to each other.

I have friends from school on my social media too for the same reason and friends from church.

For many of these people I really do only have one thing in common with them but we also bond as people and our conversations can be about a number of different things, not just the one thing we have in common.

It’s the exact same with autism.

I can have a conversation with a stranger whose child has the same diagnosis as mine and we can converse on one topic but go on to find a whole lot more in common and over time develop a deep friendship.

Other times I can have a conversation with someone about autism because their child is diagnosed too but other than that one thing we have nothing at all in common. And that is perfectly ok!

You see just because our children share a common condition it does not mean our lives are the same.

Autism is a massive spectrum for one thing, different areas of the country have different support and systems and parents can approach life in very different ways.

We can respect and support people without having to have a friendship with them.

Over the years I have actually come across some parents whose children may have the same condition as mine but who are very opposite to me in parenting style, beliefs and lifestyles.

It does not mean one of us is right and the other wrong, we are just different.

Some people have told me that autism parents stick by each other like a family. I have not found that to be true sadly.

I have seen people who both have a child with the same condition fight like cat and dog online and in real life, I have seen bitchiness and abuse even though at the root of it all people have something in common.

Last week I spoke to a mum whose child has autism and she was telling me she actively avoids other mums whose children have the same diagnosis as hers because she wants her friendships to be based on much broader things.

I thought that was an interesting perspective and I fully respect her for that. She did not want to forge a relationship based on one loose connection.

Some of my closest friends DO have a child with autism, some have twins the same as me and some are just wonderful, amazing and caring people who I happened to meet at different points in my life.

I write about autism and I have a Facebook page about autism. I talk about autism and I live with autism.

I can see why anyone with a child with autism may feel connected to me. But please do not expect me to suddenly be friends with everyone and anyone who just has that one thing in common with me.

Our kids may have the same condition but that’s where it ends.

 

You sat and watched your mother or father read your cryptic message.

You got a kiss and a cuddle, maybe even a chocolate sweet and promises were made that they would forever be your Valentine.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is different now.

It was once about what cards would adorn your school locker.

Then, it became about the possibilities of meeting ‘the one’ on that particular evening full of hope, love and romantic notions.

When you found your ‘one’ it became about gifts. Gifts which showed you cared, you loved and more importantly that you were loved. You wanted the world to know you had a Valentine.

When you lost the ‘one’ it became about depressing signs in shop windows, silly cards and the ridiculousness of ever believing that a ‘made-up’ holiday was even important. It felt like an attack on the single you.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is different now.

It was once about the ‘I do’s’ and the promises of never forgetting an anniversary let alone such an important day like the most romantic day of the year.

It was about the first Valentines together, the second and counting on and on.

It was about a meal for two with twinkling lights, a rose and a glass of wine.

It was about trips away, time alone yet together.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is different now.

It’s different now. It’s not about the chocolates, flowers, perfumes or jewelry.

It’s about the little scribbles on the once blank piece of paper.

It’s about the little hands that have evidence of red marker all over them.

It’s about the glitter that sits on their small button noses.

It’s about the carefully dotted name, which they try so very hard to trace over with a chunky marker.

It’s about the pride of having made something with little help from teacher; sometimes it’s the pride of having made something with lots of help from teacher.

It’s about the excitement of their creation, made especially for you.

It’s about making memories and trying to keep all that artwork safely tucked away.

It’s about knowing you won’t be their Valentine for much longer.

It’s about treasuring their little gifts while they still think you’re the best thing since, ‘Peppa Pig’.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is different now.

It’s about having a cup of tea made for you, a gentle kiss on the head with the offer of your favorite biscuit.

It’s about being left in bed.

It’s about having a walk, alone.

It’s about not having to make the dinner, cook the tea or tidy up!

It’s about saying, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, I wouldn’t want to be in this with anyone else but you’.

It’s about not buying the gifts, the cards, the flowers.

And sometimes, just sometimes it is about a slice of cake!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

I pulled his pants up. He roared at me. He bit down hard on his own chubby thumb. I tried to calm him. “Shh, shhh it’s ok buddy” I stretched my arms around him.

He flung his head back hitting me right on the bridge of my nose. My eyes watered as I let him go. He ran. I gave chase.

I could hear the ‘tutts’.

“No, no buddy” I tried to sound like I was in control. I obviously was not in control but neither was he. He cried as I picked him up.

I sat away from the ones I thought he could hurt. There was no vacant seat away from them all, which would have been the ideal place to sit.

I sat beside a big man, whom I thought could take a punch if my son were to continue with his meltdown.

“Shhh…shhh” I gently rocked him on my lap. I could feel my heartbeat stabilise as he grew quiet. “Shh…shhh” I whispered in his ear.

“Mammy here, mammys got you” I kissed his head. He sat still whimpering on my chest. “You’re a good boy, I love you” I reassured him.

“A good boy!” Her voice rang in my ears. She rolled her eyes as I looked at her.

I took a deep breath. I could feel him beginning to move. I had nothing to keep him calm.

My phone had died, we were here for over an hour already, and he had done all the waiting he could do.

“Leg me go” he roared as his legs lifted up high into the air. I let him go. He ran. I followed, apologising to those he shoved out of his way.

The receptionist shook her head.

“Will we be waiting much longer?” I looked at her while holding the sleeve of his jacket.

“A little while yet” she answered while a bemused look ran across her face.

I sighed, berating myself for not having my phone fully charged.

He was young.

“Excuse me” he tapped my shoulder while I struggled to hold my boy still.

“You can use my phone.” he handed me his phone.

I looked at him in shock.

“I’ve it loaded up already. I could hear it was the Simpsons he was enjoying” he smiled at me.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to let go of my boy and give this young boy a huge hug.

I wanted to show my audience that this, this was true human compassion and coming from such a young boy.

My lip wobbled.

I swallowed hard. “Thank you” I whispered as I took his phone.

My son quickly calmed down as we both sat on the floor watching the Simpsons. He laughed and repeated “Homer” over and over.

I glanced around the room, trying to see who was with this young boy. My eyes fixed on his, I said as loud as I could for all to hear,

“Thank you so much, you’re a credit to yourself and your parents,” he blushed while I immediately spotted his mammy, sitting four seats to his left, beaming with pride.

I smiled at her too.

It made me think and realise how wonderful he is and how remarkable he is.

It made me remember achievements that people would see as little, if seen at all, but for me they were the biggest achievements ever.

Little things that I spent hours looking for either adapted equipment or just literally sitting and teaching him how to adapt to make his life manageable in the outside world.

I remember crying the first time he picked up his fork and ate a piece of meat off of it at the age of 5, teaching him every meal time that you put food on your fork and then into your mouth. Taking it in baby steps.

He was excited to come home and tell me how he had eaten using his folk at school, he spoke a lot about how people had stopped commenting on how he ate like a baby.

I was looking back at his emotional awareness. He still has no clue about it all, however he has taught himself how to react to certain experiences.

To start with he would look blankly when people hurt themselves, he then realised he had to react and so laughed when someone hurt themselves.

He has now progressed and does a sad face when someone is hurt. This is massive!

He still struggles a lot with situations that we haven’t spoken about, and there are many.

We were told that 2 boys in his class said that they liked him and were waiting for a response, our son didn’t know how to respond so hit them and then went into a ball.

When we got home we spoke about what to do the next time someone says this.

Nearly every day he is now asking how he should have responded to a certain situation as he recites in perfect detail an event that happened at school.

He wants to have friends however isn’t sure how to make friends due to his social understanding.

I love my boy so much, I wouldn’t change him for the world, however he is learning that he is different and is asking to help him adapt.

I never say he has to change, he doesn’t, and he is perfect. I say that I will help him to cope with the world that isn’t ready for his awesomeness.

My boy is awesome and is teaching me so much about how the world works.