Additional Needs

The Time was Right: Telling my Son about Autism

Posted by Zowie Kaye on 21st December 2017 Additional Needs, Advice & Support, Disabilities

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I planned to do this before High School so that he was aware for his own wellbeing on the next leg of his journey.

I thought that all the stars would align and we would have a deep conversation about what it means for him and everything would be all happy and smiley.

The reality was very different though and one term into his year 5 school year I was being faced with concerns from his teachers that he was now starting to stand out from the pack.

The children who he had grown up with since preschool were now becoming less tolerant of him and his quirky ways.

They felt it was time to be having this conversation.

I had planned to take the Christmas holidays to have this difficult conversation, in the warmth and comfort of our family home surrounded by happiness and love.

Yes, this would still be OK and I could make this work.  I had written out what I planned to say and prepared the examples I would present to him.

After all this is not a quick conversation we could have mid weed in the hustle and bustle of after work, teatime rush!!

In fact, this was my reality – this is in fact when the time was right!

I had finished work and picked up some shopping on my way home, then a call from school.

This was unusual at 17:15, his teacher proceeded to tell me that Cameron had a difficult day in school, that he was being disruptive and not engaging in class work.

I apologised profusely as any parent would and my heart was heavy knowing I now had to go home and greet my child with yet another behaviour lecture.

I questioned him as to why he was doing these things and told him his teacher was frustrated and I was disappointed.

He started to cry and said, “Mum, you just don’t understand how difficult school is for me and just how hard it is – people are mean to me ALL of the time and I don’t understand why I do the things I do.  I don’t mean to be naughty”.

This was it – this was my chance and in my heart, I knew I needed to give him the truth.

Knowledge is power.

I got the iPad and sat him down, “Cameron I want to show you a little video and after you have watched it, I want you to tell me if this is someone you recognise OK”.

There is a video online, “Amazing Things Happen”, and it’s a cartoon video with a David Attenborough type voiceover explaining all about differences in people with and without Autism.

There is a point where the narrator explains about stimming and my son spoke, “That’s me, mum.”

I asked him if he feels this is describing him and he say yes.

With that I had done it, I went on to explain this is the reason that he has extra support in school, why he doesn’t like certain textures and changes in his routine but most importantly why it isn’t anger that he is feeling as he keep telling his teacher but it’s an overload of information that his brain is so desperately trying to fathom out.

Cameron went into school the day after and announced, “I am Autism”, I had pre-warned his teachers and they corrected him that he has it rather than is it.

He then asked if he could show the video to his class for them to understand him more.

So, you see, we can worry ourselves sick and try to plan everything in advance but sometimes a spur of the moment event has that same profound outcome.

I wouldn’t have changed this moment for all the world.