Language
  • English
  • French
  • German
  • Italian
  • Portuguese
  • Spanish
  • Swedish

Insurance Funding Request

Did you know Firefly products may be funded by your insurance?

Learn More
Back to Firefly Blog

Special Needs Parenting: A Date with Ourselves

Special Needs Parenting: A Date with Ourselves

Quite unexpectedly a message appeared on my calendar app, inviting me to accompany a certain man of my acquaintance to a theme park.

I clicked ‘confirm’, and the date has been duly logged on my phone.

I’m nervous.

I hate heights. I hate being spun around and turned upside down. A theme park is going to push me right outside my comfort zone.

But I don’t want to be a kill-joy. I’m not too worried, though.

You see, the man I am going on this date with is my husband of nearly twenty years.

He’s seen me at my worst and at my best.

He’ll know if I really can’t handle something and won’t try to force me into it. It was exciting to get the sudden invite to do a thing more usually associated with being young, or a courting couple.

We didn’t know each other as teenagers.

By the time we met, in our mid-twenties, we had already taken our places in the sensible adult world; life was all about being responsible and setting ourselves up for the future. A future we couldn’t see.

It never crossed our minds that disability and ‘special needs’ would be part of the picture.

We are more responsible now than we ever imagined we would have to be. When Freddie was born, Daddy was studying for a degree as well as working full-time.

I was responsible for the majority of Freddie’s care, all the medical and therapy appointments, and our two other children.

We came to terms with Freddie’s diagnosis whilst also juggling a house move, the threat of redundancy and the additional needs of one of our older children.

It frayed the bond between us to the breaking point.

We were becoming strangers to one another.

We shared a house and children, but nothing else. The tremendous external pressures on our marriage almost had us beat.

Then we started to fight back. It began with a new bathroom. The bath looked huge. We speculated that it might even be big enough to hold both of us at one end.

Once Freddie was in bed we decided to find out.

It felt a little ... mischievous ... locking the door, filling the tub (with the plastic cover still on) and hopping in, trying not to splash the bare plaster wall.

Daddy put some music on, on his phone: stuff from the eighties, when we would’ve been in High School. Although we didn’t know each other then we listened to the same music.

We got talking about that. Then the conversation rolled on to something else ... then something else ... then something else ... until we noticed that the water had become cold and soupy.

It was like when you go on a date, and by the end of the evening, it feels like you’ve known each other for years.

Except that we really have.

I don’t remember what we said, but I do remember the feeling – that neither of us wants to be single, neither of us wants to be separated from our children, and neither of us wants to throw away twenty-odd years of mutual history.

We are each other’s best chance of a happy future.

We can’t turn back the clock and start again from the beginning. But we can revisit our younger selves, remember who we were, and get to know each other again, as we are now.

Hopefully, we’ll both like what we find.

Firefly Blog

Real life stories, issues and experiences of day to day life by special needs parents and
healthcare professionals.

47 Stripey Socks

Meet Our Blogger

Down’s Syndrome, my family and me – one mum’s account of family life with an extra chromosome.

View Kerry’s Profile

Become a Firefly Blogger

Would you like to write for Firefly? Join our blogger network of parents, therapists and professionals.

Get In Touch

Become a subscriber today

Join over 40,000 subscribers to our weekly newsletter with insightful articles just when you need them.

Join Mailing List

By using our site you agree to our use of cookies. Click here for more info.

Accept & Close

No Interest if paid in full in 6 months on

Purchases on $99+

US Customers only. Subject to credit approval. See terms below

Paypal Credit

Pay now or pay over time with PayPal Credit. Just use PayPal Credit in PayPal checkout.

Subject to credit approval.

Purchases of $99+:

No Interest if paid in full in 6 months on purchases of $99 or more.

  • A minimum monthly payment is required and may or may not pay off the promotional purchase by the end of the 6 month period.
  • No interest will be charged on the purchase if you pay it off in full within 6 months. If you do not, interest will be charged on the purchase from the purchase date at the Purchase APR applicable to your account.
  • For New Accounts: Variable Purchase APR is 25.49%. The APR is accurate as of 6/1/2018 and will vary with the market based on the Prime Rate (as defined in your credit card agreement). Minimum interest charge is $2.00.
  • Individual items that are less than $99 qualify for special financing when combined for a total of $99 or more in a single transaction.
  • Multiple separate transactions of less than $99 per transaction cannot be combined to meet the minimum purchase amount.

Purchases of $98.99 or less:

Buy now and pay over time with PayPal Credit when you spend $98.99 or less.

  • If you pay your balance in full each month by the payment due date that is on your statement, you can avoid paying interest.
  • Or, make minimum monthly payments, or any additional amount of your choosing, until you've paid off your balance according to your standard account terms. Please note, interest charges may apply.
  • We'll send you email reminders when your payments are due. You can also keep track of your account and view your statements online at any time.

About PayPal Credit

  • PayPal Credit is a reusable credit line available on purchases at thousands of stores that accept PayPal. It's also available for purchases on eBay and exclusively at thousands of other online stores. Plus, it comes with the same security and flexibility you trust from PayPal.
  • If approved, we start you off with a minimum credit line of at least $250. See FAQs for more info.
  • For New Accounts: Variable Purchase APR is 25.49%. The APR is accurate as of 6/1/2018 and will vary with the market based on the Prime Rate (as defined in your credit card agreement). Minimum interest charge is $2.00. See Terms and Conditions tab for more info.
  • If you miss a payment your late fee could be up to $38, even less if it's your first time. See FAQs for more info.

Please wait...