There are a lot of emotions and stresses when raising a child with disability, its good to talk about these things and get them off of your chest – so why is it so hard to do it?
My wife sometimes tries to pry out what I’m thinking and feeling as we go through a difficult situation and even when I feel like I’d like to talk, I just can’t let it go.
Maybe it makes us feel weak to talk about our struggles, I tend to think I just like to get on dealing with it rather than talk about the struggles.
As a matter of fact, I’m probably more able to write these things in this blog than I am to express them to my loved ones.
I like to carry the weight
I don’t like the thought of dumping all my baggage onto my wife or anyone else but as we know the weight of it can crush you.
We’re seeing all this mental health information which talks about discussing things and not bottling it up, it all makes sense but its not so easy to do.
I can’t let it pass my lips, I’m tired, I’m struggling, I feel abandoned and let down by those I thought would be there, I feel like I’m letting my own family down too.
I’m struggling from lots of angles but ask and I’ll say I’m good. I’m not good, I’m ruined. I guess the feeling is, nobody can do anything about it so why bother talking about it?
He was one of many high-profile cases that have brought mental health and suicide to the forefront of our minds.
Of the many cases through my generation, we were particularly pained by seeing the man who made us all laugh and seemed to be constantly on top of the world, in a secret turmoil that lead to him no longer wanting to be alive.
Of course, he had a particular condition called Lewy body Dementia which had symptoms of depression but the sadness of the happiest man on earth had a big impact.
Seeing these things makes us aware of the need to express what’s going on, however, there is still a problem knowing what to do with it, to actually break the silence.
This won’t be a post where I provide you with an answer as I’m still figuring it out myself but of course there are many charities and people you and I can talk to.
I don’t know why it’s so hard to talk, I know that my longsuffering wife needs to patience of a saint to put up with me struggling and being grumpy when I can’t say why I’m grumpy.
I’m trying to talk more, I guess that’s all we can do.