Language
  • English
  • French
  • German
  • Italian
  • Portuguese
  • Spanish
  • Swedish
Back to Firefly Blog

We talk all the time...he just can’t use words

We talk all the time...he just can’t use words

My son is 11. He’s average height, loves YouTube and particular about what he likes to wear. He eats me out of house and home and would rather walk away from me than with me when out in public. In so many ways he’s an average 11-year-old boy, yet in one way particular he’s very different:

My son can’t talk.

He’s never been able to, though over the years his communication skills have increased a lot, as has his understanding. People think those who can’t talk somehow can’t understand and while my son does have learning difficulties, he understands much more than people think.

He also has plenty to say!

Every day I talk to my son just as I would his sister. He has words and phrases he loves to hear (don’t we all?) and he loves to get me to say certain things every day because that makes him smile and become excited. So, I say them...as often as he wants.

He loves to tell me what day of the week it is. He uses a board with the months and the days on and every morning points to the right day. He then points to his fingers as he loves to know what he is doing that day. I could use visuals, and often do, but he loves to hear me talk and he looks at me and smiles and flaps as he hears that, as always, his day will end with a bath, some supper and a story.

He will bring me things: his coat, shoes, cup, his iPad with where he has gone on google street map or his swimming trunks.

He doesn’t need words to show me what he wants and needs.

We use a 100 square number board with little numbers that go on top and we play games of finding the numbers. He’s amazing at knowing what comes next and will often pick up a number and ask me to I tell him what number it is and he laughs and smiles as if saying your got it right mum!’. For years he carried around a magazine that had been posted out from a food delivery company and he would show me foods pointing at his mouth or my mouth or his sisters to say he wanted that person to eat the food he was pointing to. He loved us playing along and pretending to eat fish and chips, or sausages and he would flap excitedly if I actually made what he requested for his next meal.

He shows me photographs on his iPad and we talk together about memories. He signs ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to questions and points to different parts of the photo to hear me talk about it.

People think our conversations are one sided, but they are definitely not.

It’s true he can’t make up stories, tell me how he’s feeling or talk about his favourite book. I would still dearly love to hear his voice, to hear him say he loves me, to have him sing and tell jokes. But I also treasure the conversations we have daily because they are precious and intimate and beautiful.

Having a nonverbal child can be heart-breaking but it doesn’t mean you can’t have conversations together.

It just means those conversations involve so much more than words.

Firefly Blog

Real life stories, issues and experiences of day to day life by special needs parents and
healthcare professionals.

Miriam Gwynne

Meet Our Blogger

Full time mum and carer for two truly wonderful autistic twins. I love reading, writing, walking, swimming and encouraging others. Don’t struggle alone and always remember someone cares.

View Miriam’s Profile

Become a Firefly Blogger

Would you like to write for Firefly? Join our blogger network of parents, therapists and professionals.

Get In Touch

Become a subscriber today

Join over 40,000 subscribers to our weekly newsletter with insightful articles just when you need them.

Join Mailing List

By using our site you agree to our use of cookies. Click here for more info.

Accept & Close

No Interest if paid in full in 4 months on

Purchases on £99+

UK Customers only. Subject to credit approval. See terms below

Paypal Credit

Pay now or pay over time with PayPal Credit. Just use PayPal Credit in PayPal checkout.

Subject to credit approval.

Purchases of £99+:

No Interest if paid in full in 4 months on purchases of £99 or more.

  • A minimum monthly payment is required and may or may not pay off the promotional purchase by the end of the 4-month period.
  • No interest will be charged on the purchase if you pay it off in full within 4 months. If you do not, interest will be charged on the purchase from the purchase date at the Purchase APR applicable to your account.
  • Any remaining balance due after the 4-month promotional period or any transactions under £99 will be charged interest at 19.9% p.a. (variable).

Purchases of £98.99 or less:

Buy now and pay over time with PayPal Credit when you spend £98.99 or less.

  • If you pay your balance in full each month by the payment due date that is on your statement, you can avoid paying interest.
  • Or, make minimum monthly payments, or any additional amount of your choosing, until you've paid off your balance according to your standard account terms. Please note, interest charges may apply.
  • We'll send you email reminders when your payments are due. You can also keep track of your account and view your statements online at any time.

About PayPal Credit

  • PayPal Credit is a reusable credit line available on purchases at thousands of stores that accept PayPal. It's also available for purchases on eBay and exclusively at thousands of other online stores. Plus, it comes with the same security and flexibility you trust from PayPal.
  • In order to maintain the 0% offer, you need to keep up monthly repayments and stay within your credit limit. Credit subject to status. Terms and conditions apply. UK residents only.

Please wait...