The other night I held our youngest son and cried. Our lives are about to change.
His life is about to change. His life that I have tried so hard to give him all that I can.
For the last 4 years he and I have been inseparable. Yes, we have other children, but he and I have a very special, different relationship.
He’s the reason I stopped working outside of the home and now work harder than ever as his caregiver.
I take care of all of his activities of daily living, schedule his appointments, visit with specialists and therapists, and give him an insane amount of kisses and hugs every single day.
I am far more than his mom. I am his advocate, his cheerleader, and his voice. He’s my baby. And in a little over a month, he will be a big brother. And I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a little bit sad and nervous for this change.
Yes, we are excited. Yes, we know how much joy this new little bundle will bring our family. But yes, we are a little anxious too.
I held my 4 year old “baby” and as I looked at his sweet face the tears just began to fall. Change is hard and this change will definitely be a large adjustment for us.
He will no longer have me all to himself all day long. He will no longer be the only little person I have to care for while his brother is gone at school all day long.
My tears were tears of worry and fear.
Thoughts of managing all of his cares and the cares of a newborn started to overwhelm me.
My tears kept flowing as I told him I would do my very best to continue to keep his quality of life at the top of our list.
I told him that I will always and forever fight for him, advocate for him, and be his voice when he needs me. I promised him that the kisses and hugs will never decrease.
And as my tears kept falling he continued to do two things; he smiled at me with a twinkle in his brilliant eyes and pushed his lips onto my face to kiss me over and over.
He was telling me to stop worrying. He was telling me that it will all be ok.
Yes, our lives are about to change but if anyone can do it, we can.
We’ve come this far and as I looked at his sweet face I wiped my tears and realized that as much as our lives will change, our lives will also stay the same.
As much anxiety as I have about adding to our family I also have the same amount of excitement.
My advocacy, fierce love, fight, and never give up attitude won’t change - I guess the only thing that will change is how full my heart is.