I longed to be a mum, mothering Sundays use to be bittersweet, celebrating with the women in my life and thinking that this is not something I would be able to celebrate on the receiving end.
My wish did come true though and in the year 2008 that I got married I also became a mother, it was magical and all my dreams came true.
My mothering journey was not to be straightforward though or mainstream.
You see I was blessed with a son who had extra needs, these were not visible needs or easily identifiable – they were issues that took alot of investigative action from the professionals and early intervention strategies.
Early learning plans, speech and language therapy, communication assistance; on top of that my son was severely short sighted with a rare eye condition and this was a whole barrage of additional checkups and pulling and prodding.
So I received the card and the flowers and the chocolate from my husband in the early years, but mother’s day was just another day in our hectic lives.
We had a son who was not able to go to restaurants or day trips to busy places as these caused sensory issues and ended in a breakdown from Cameron and tears from a fraught mum.
The worst part though, was the fact that one of the biggest hurdles my son would endure would be learning emotions.
I was told that most autistic children are “not very loving”, that they struggle with emotions and their comprehension of these.
This was really hard to digest, especially on the tough days, when you just want to hold your child and have that connection and bask in their love and warmth.
My son never sat still and wasn’t one for touch.
But this was the early days into our autism journey, Cameron was just a little delayed in his blossoming.
The first year of him understanding mother’s day was magical when he brought me the handmade card from school at the age of 6 – even if it did say To Mum & Dad.
Cameron is 8 now and on reflection this mother’s day I know that I don’t need cards or flowers or chocolates...... ok maybe the chocolates.
You see my son now tells me at least 2/3 times a day how much he loves me – EVERY day, without fail.
“I love you mum ya know”
“You are the best mum that I’ve ever had”
He will come to me for a cuddle; he will sit with me and watch a film, even if it is one he chose and we have watched a thousand times already.
You see I know now that I am a lucky mum, yes my child has weaknesses and daily struggles but we CAN communicate, but he is healthy and we have our own way.
He loves and is thoughtful and empathetic – I know people who have nothing wrong with them and don’t have empathy like my child does.
So this mother’s day my thoughts are with the special educational needs families that do not have the ability to communicate with their children.
That long to hear their child speak and hold their gaze to be able to connect.
Mothers that can’t have a day of rest, as their child needs 24 hour support.
The single mothers that pull double shifts with their children and don’t have anyone to share the daily woes.