• English
  • French
  • German
  • Italian
  • Portuguese
  • Spanish
  • Swedish
Back to Firefly Blog

How Can I Stop Comparing My Child?

How Can I Stop Comparing My Child?

Someone messaged me recently asking me a very difficult question.

“How can I stop comparing my child to others of the same age or even younger?”

This person has a child who has just been diagnosed with cerebral palsy at the age of 1, around the same age my son was diagnosed and is trying their best to come to terms with this diagnosis.

It’s hard, really hard and it brought back some tough memories when I thought back to how I felt when my child was that age and he had just been diagnosed.

But even before my son was diagnosed, I have very vivid memories of comparing, constantly comparing.

It almost became an obsession, everywhere I went there were little babies sitting up in a highchair or eating their lunch within ten minutes without any mess.

There were children so much younger than mine who were crawling and walking, stacking bricks and holding a crayon, the simple things you often don’t think about...

But I did, I thought about it a lot.

So when I was asked this question I didn’t even know how to answer at first, I just thought to myself “why am I being asked this question!?

I’m not the right person to ask, I compared all the time so I can’t answer this!?”

Compared. Past tense.

Then it suddenly dawned on me that I don’t compare anymore. I didn’t even realise! Something that was once an obsession is now a very distant memory, so what changed?

What stopped me comparing?

And then I remembered... My son said his first words, and then began to talk, I was told he may never do this.

That feeling that I felt is like nothing I can describe, I thought my heart could burst and it’s like nothing else mattered.

Then there was other “little” things that came, except they weren’t little - to us they were huge!

Every parent celebrates their child’s milestones but when you have a child that perhaps does something that you may have never thought possible, no matter how small it may be, then you’ll realise how much more special that is.

How much more important that is.

How could I possibly compare my son to someone else? My son has a large part of his brain that was damaged when he was without oxygen at birth - he’s a miracle really!

So for him to do ANYTHING, in my eyes is worth celebrating.

He may not be sitting up yet, he may not be able to move around but there is plenty he can do and he makes me smile every single day.

He makes me feel loved every single day and he makes me feel proud every single day.

So when someone else is celebrating their child sitting up for the first time I celebrate with them, I don’t want people feeling guilty about talking about their own child’s milestones around me because my child can’t necessarily do those things.

He is happy (as am I!) and that’s all that really matters.

Firefly Blog

Real life stories, issues and experiences of day to day life by special needs parents and
healthcare professionals.

Amy Sweeney

Meet Our Blogger

My name is Amy and I’m mum to Wilson aged 3 and Ava aged 4. Wilson has cerebral palsy affecting all 4 limbs along with CVI but it doesn’t let it stop him! He loves playing with his big sister.

View Amy’s Profile

Become a Firefly Blogger

Would you like to write for Firefly? Join our blogger network of parents, therapists and professionals.

Get In Touch

Become a subscriber today

Join over 40,000 subscribers to our weekly newsletter with insightful articles just when you need them.

Join Mailing List

By using our site you agree to our use of cookies. Click here for more info.

Accept & Close

No Interest if paid in full in 4 months on

Purchases on £99+

UK Customers only. Subject to credit approval. See terms below

Paypal Credit

Pay now or pay over time with PayPal Credit. Just use PayPal Credit in PayPal checkout.

Subject to credit approval.

Purchases of £99+:

No Interest if paid in full in 4 months on purchases of £99 or more.

  • A minimum monthly payment is required and may or may not pay off the promotional purchase by the end of the 4-month period.
  • No interest will be charged on the purchase if you pay it off in full within 4 months. If you do not, interest will be charged on the purchase from the purchase date at the Purchase APR applicable to your account.
  • Any remaining balance due after the 4-month promotional period or any transactions under £99 will be charged interest at 19.9% p.a. (variable).

Purchases of £98.99 or less:

Buy now and pay over time with PayPal Credit when you spend £98.99 or less.

  • If you pay your balance in full each month by the payment due date that is on your statement, you can avoid paying interest.
  • Or, make minimum monthly payments, or any additional amount of your choosing, until you've paid off your balance according to your standard account terms. Please note, interest charges may apply.
  • We'll send you email reminders when your payments are due. You can also keep track of your account and view your statements online at any time.

About PayPal Credit

  • PayPal Credit is a reusable credit line available on purchases at thousands of stores that accept PayPal. It's also available for purchases on eBay and exclusively at thousands of other online stores. Plus, it comes with the same security and flexibility you trust from PayPal.
  • In order to maintain the 0% offer, you need to keep up monthly repayments and stay within your credit limit. Credit subject to status. Terms and conditions apply. UK residents only.

Please wait...