Things I have done and regretted, to save you the bother of trying them.
If you too are attempting to juggle a career, various pets and an assortment of non-typical children, you probably find yourself at the bottom of the pile.
‘Me time’ may involve going for a quick wee.
It is worthwhile making time for yourself, but keep your eyes open, your wits about you, forward plan and be aware of your environment.
If not,you may find yourself:
Brushing your Teeth with Savlon.
It is in a blue toothpaste like tube, it squeezes out onto your toothbrush in a white toothpaste like way. It is NOT however, nor does it taste like toothpaste. Despite probably making your mouth antiseptic and germ free it leaves your teeth feeling furry, like a bad hangover. Not one to try.
Applying Sudocrem to a small persons nether regions and leaving it in reaching distance.
The bonus of this is a quick indication of how far said small persons fine motor control, reaching balance and general determination has progressed, not easily measured on a standardized developmental scale.
The flip side is having to remove the zinc based white substance from the individual’s (let’s call her Pearl) hair, eyes nose and all furnishings and room décor.
On the last occasion (no I don’t learn from my own advice, yes it has happened more that once)Pearl went to school with the pallor and demeanor of a cheerful eleven year old Goth.
Putting Contact Lenses in without fully rinsing soap from your hands.
From distance it probably looked like I had perfected a new hip hop dance style, followed by a sudden realization of my own mortality and prolonged weeping.
Apologising for Things Done or Requested.
It weakens your case and is often a female default. Think, would a man do that? No? Then don’t. People may call you bossy rather than assertive, but frankly who cares?
Caring Too Much.
Not about your significant others, or your non typical offspring but worrying about what people think of you, your face, your hair, your opinion your child’s screaming.
Try not to wait until the advanced age of 47 to stop caring about these things. It’s a waste of time, you cannot control what people think of you, and chances are it’s not even what imagine.
Generally speaking I couldn’t care less.
See also taking yourself too seriously (although not your opinion which is valid and you are entitle to)
Life is too short to:
- Drink bad coffee
- Completely avoid sugar
- Spend time with people who don’t get you
- Persevere with therapies that make you or the child miserable
- Or eat olives (that might just be me)
Please feel free to step lightly into the carefree future.
You are most welcome.