• English
  • French
  • German
  • Italian
  • Portuguese
  • Spanish
  • Swedish
Back to Firefly Blog

Awards and Conflicting Emotions

Awards and Conflicting Emotions

As a kid I remember counting down the days until those lovely long days of summer, as a parent I cringe at the knowledge that I have to somehow find/fund childcare for my profoundly disabled little chap for 6 weeks.

Excuse me please while I sigh, loudly.

We are incredibly lucky, Sam has funding from the Council for respite carers to come in and entertain him while I go to work and his Dad gets on with his jobs.

We get maybe three afternoons a week when a carer comes in, Sam looks forward to these visits so very much because for all his problems, he is a very normal little boy and he LOVES having people over to play - even though very often he doesn’t show it!

But before all that comes the awards season, and already my social media is filling up with posts from proud friends, sharing what their kids have done at school, who’s won which award, usually accompanied by photos of said beaming offspring showing off their certificates.

Trophies too, in some cases.

And we, too, will be attending Sam’s school awards ceremony…

Last year, he won best artist in the school and I have never been more proud.

At the same time sitting in the school hall with the other parents, waiting for our children to come in either in their wheelchairs, with walking frames, teaching assistants and teachers supporting them all the way… I don’t think I’ve been to one yet where anyone was left dry eyed.

It’s a bizarre mix of sheer, unrelenting pride that our children are overcoming obstacles that are just massive and we all know *just* how much effort that has taken on the part of child, parents and school.

But in amongst the tears of pride are the tears for what might have been.

Those catch in your throat a bit, choking you.

This isn’t what any of us were prepared for, this life.

It’s different and wonderful and excruciating and exhilarating all at once.

And that is *exhausting*.

I’ve learnt that it is possible to feel multiple conflicting emotions at the same time, each intense and battling for prime position.

And this time of year feels especially difficult some days.

But I will continue to revel in my boys achievements and to scream them from the highest point I can find, because he has earned them with blood sweat and tears.

And for all my heart is fractured, with each achievement that child makes, every tiny ounce of progress… those fractured parts are mended a little more.

Firefly Blog

Real life stories, issues and experiences of day to day life by special needs parents and
healthcare professionals.

Carolyn Voisey

Meet Our Blogger

Mum to one incredible little dude, I work full time in higher education and have my own small business as a jewellery designer/creator. I love nothing more than having time with my family, being outside and with my animals (chickens, cats, dog..!).

View Carolyn’s Profile

Become a Firefly Blogger

Would you like to write for Firefly? Join our blogger network of parents, therapists and professionals.

Get In Touch

Become a subscriber today

Join over 40,000 subscribers to our weekly newsletter with insightful articles just when you need them.

Join Mailing List

By using our site you agree to our use of cookies. Click here for more info.

Accept & Close

No Interest if paid in full in 4 months on

Purchases on £99+

UK Customers only. Subject to credit approval. See terms below

Paypal Credit

Pay now or pay over time with PayPal Credit. Just use PayPal Credit in PayPal checkout.

Subject to credit approval.

Purchases of £99+:

No Interest if paid in full in 4 months on purchases of £99 or more.

  • A minimum monthly payment is required and may or may not pay off the promotional purchase by the end of the 4-month period.
  • No interest will be charged on the purchase if you pay it off in full within 4 months. If you do not, interest will be charged on the purchase from the purchase date at the Purchase APR applicable to your account.
  • Any remaining balance due after the 4-month promotional period or any transactions under £99 will be charged interest at 19.9% p.a. (variable).

Purchases of £98.99 or less:

Buy now and pay over time with PayPal Credit when you spend £98.99 or less.

  • If you pay your balance in full each month by the payment due date that is on your statement, you can avoid paying interest.
  • Or, make minimum monthly payments, or any additional amount of your choosing, until you've paid off your balance according to your standard account terms. Please note, interest charges may apply.
  • We'll send you email reminders when your payments are due. You can also keep track of your account and view your statements online at any time.

About PayPal Credit

  • PayPal Credit is a reusable credit line available on purchases at thousands of stores that accept PayPal. It's also available for purchases on eBay and exclusively at thousands of other online stores. Plus, it comes with the same security and flexibility you trust from PayPal.
  • In order to maintain the 0% offer, you need to keep up monthly repayments and stay within your credit limit. Credit subject to status. Terms and conditions apply. UK residents only.

Please wait...