I wonder what they’ll be doing, and which friends they’ll have. Will they have moved out by now? Or will they be in a relationship?
How they would have managed in their exams, and through puberty and first loves. Will they feel confident enough to talk to me about their problems? Will we still have a close bond?
Those thoughts run through my head every now again, especially when we’ve hit another birthday and you reminisce about them being babies and how much they’ve grown.
Once a tiny baby, their little head fitting in the palm of your hand and relying on you for love, and care.
And as they grow they rely on you less, gaining a little bit of independence makes you feel like they’re slipping away, each year a little further, by 7 my son no longer held my hand and by 9 he stopped me walking with him to take him to his classroom.
Gaining confidence, freedom and determination with each passing of each year.
It’s different for my daughter though, she is disabled and is diagnosed with Severe Anxiety, Severe Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Microcephaly, Autism and many other things.
I still wonder about her future, but I wonder different things.
I wonder whether she will still be so anxious that she barely leaves the house, and whether she will still be living with me, I wonder if she’s able to sleep at night, without waking 20 times, because her sheet is uncomfortable or her pajamas are itchy.
I wonder whether she would have learnt that if she pulls the covers back over her she wouldn’t get so cold, instead of screaming until someone comes and does this for her.
I wonder if she will have friends, or even a friend. I wonder what her chosen career is and if she is even able to work.
When she grows up, will she still have constant pains in her legs from hypermobility, or will they have improved.
What will she like doing, will she still find comfort in lining things up all around the house or switching the lights on and off all evening?
I wonder if she’s able to live a happy and fulfilled life. Will she be comfortable in the skin she’s in?
Will I still be her full time carer? I am prepared for that, that for the rest of my life I will be caring for her.
If she improves significantly with all the interventions that are in place then that would be amazing, but I have thought about the future and how she is able to live independently.
I wonder whether my children will have learnt to tolerate each other, or even have a simple conversation.
I wonder whether her communication will improve to more than it being question based as opposed to reciprocal conversations.
Will she still be on medication for ADHD and her significant Sleep difficulties?
I’m just not sure what the future holds for her.
Whatever it brings, I will be there for her, through thick and thin.
I will hold her hand and help her through any problems she may have, just like I would my son and my other daughter, albeit in a different way.
None of my children’s futures are more important than the other, each has its differences, and each path will take them in a different direction, different but not less.
However, one will require a lot more preparation, and time. I am prepared for that.
Do you ever wonder what the future holds for your disabled children? You’re not alone. We’re right here with you.
And no matter what that future holds, you will know that you have loved unconditionally, you have fought like a soldier on the front line, and you never gave up hope.