The following blog was written a few months ago, our night carer is currently on hold until we can allow carers back into the home…
I have written many blogs around the subject of carers, and the feelings that come with it. It comes with an inner battle, you know you need the help, however you know you are also inviting somebody into your space, to help care for your child.
It feels pretty normal now, I love the company, the help and the second opinion when things may not be straightforward. Our carers have become part of the family, new routines have been formed, I’m left wondering what all the fuss was about.
However, introduce a night carer and things start to feel strange again.
Sometime last year, during a Child in Need meeting, my continuous struggles with sleep came into conversation, which followed with an overwhelming, emotional panic attack. I had gotten to a point where there was nowhere to hide anymore. I found myself feeling extremely exposed and vulnerable, with my exhausted self on full show. The anxieties, nerves, tiredness, and I guess dent in my pride created a huge dramatic attack, where the tears would not stop pouring down my face, and my hands were unable to stop shaking.
I felt ashamed to show my true colours of exhaustion.
Voices in my head took over any reasoning I had.
“But you already receive daytime help”.
“You only care for one child”.
Despite the voices in my head, it was time to have the conversation about more help, and time to accept it to myself, that we needed it. We received respite from our Hospice, however this is currently 7 nights per year, with them not being able to provide more, with so many children under their care, we needed another solution.
It wasn’t an easy process, and to be honest, I don’t mind this, as it ensured that we were getting the right care, and package for our family! Various meetings, panels, phone calls and emails, oh and not forgetting the paperwork! I guess I held back quite a bit too, I knew now that I needed it, but I was still living in the fear of the unknown.
The first night was strange…
We didn’t know what to do with ourselves, or when to take ourselves to bed. Our new carer was no stranger to our family, but a friend. The only way for me to finally accept help, was if I knew who the help was. Fortunately for our family, our Carer was seeking overnight caring roles, so the timing just seemed so perfect.
So, for one night a week we are left to sleep undisturbed for a whole 8 hours!
I’d love to tell you all that I am a new woman, with newfound energy, but the realisation is I’m still a tired mamma! I guess there is just no pleasing me ey!?
No, I joke, I just like my sleep and like lots of it! Our night carer is a true blessing to our family, I just hope they settle into our little family, like the others have, as the well-being of our carers, and their happiness is important, having the right people too. Zachariah has such a special bond with all who care for him, they all bring something different to the home. Our new night carer brings a gentle side, and the passion to pamper Zachariah and really get to know him.