This time of year always brings about reflection.
As the new year begins we think about all that happened in the last year.
However this year its all so different but I can honestly say it wasn't our worst year ever.
There have been so many years worse than this one, which is saying something.
We have all managed to keep really well and hospital visits have been a real minimum.
This time of year always brings back memories of Ethans first Christmas.
A year where he was incredibly poorly.
We managed to keep him home by the skin of our teeth.
He was seen in hospital on Christmas eve and when they said we can do the same care for him at home as they could there, I practically ran out of the hospital!
Unfortunately it was a day of back to back seizures for Ethan and sleeping in between.
He was pale and so poorly. He was only 6 months old.
I remember when I was pregnant thinking maybe he would be sitting up around the Christmas tree or maybe on the move trying to pull the tree down.
The reality though was that none of that happened and it still hasn't to this day.
I remember putting his Christmas outfit on and his 1st Christmas bib and having to take it off a couple of hours later because he was so poorly that he just needed to be comfy.
He ate his first Christmas dinner the next day and he barely opened presents with us, he just slept on the sofa.
The feelings of that 1st Christmas together will never go away.
The effects of that Christmas will never go away either.
The amount of seizures his poor body endured meant that small milestones that he'd reached were ripped from him.
His smile being the biggest one of those.
It was another 9 months before he looked me in the eyes and smiled again.
Those months were hard and I never knew if he was happy or not
This year I am incredibly happy and thankful to have spent a wonderful time together even under weird, new circumstances.